A Dream He Once Had...

3 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
A Dream He Once Had
Come now, they say, for six is seven.
He’ll live in hell, but die in heaven.
Of all things he’s ever dreamed.
His nightmares are his best.
No longer would he worry about them.
In her arms he lay to rest.

Although, his body lies there cold.
His voice still there is weak.
His wife trembles holding him.
Her arms still strong, heart limp.
He tells her goodbye through one last smile.
Death will wipe it away, the weeping widow whined.

She could not take the pain much longer.
A siren went off instead.
Her screams of rejection killed its sound
Her cries are not all that missing.
He is missed quite quickly.
She lay by his body sickly, away she said go away.

They left her blank face buried in his chest.
Dampening his clothes at peace.
His eyes closed shut to dream forever.
His last words before her founding were at cease.
Her cries stopped, and then she looked at him angry.
She stared at him hard, not wanting to say anything.

She flipped over his hands.
His wrists dripped what blood last pumped.
She held them tightly and closed her eyes.
Why she whispered, why did you do this?
She could not understand, she could not see.
Why cut your wrists, kill youself, leave me?

He did not answer, of course he was dead.
She cried once again.
Nix should you be buried alone?
I hate I have to do this, but til’ death do us part.
Living has moved us closer to this.
Death not part, but closer to eternal love...2BC...
Last edited by MissTess on Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
-WriteToSayIt-




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
MissTess wrote: Why cut your wrists, kill you self, leave me?


you self should be yourself. that is the only problem i found with this poem! otherwise VERY GOOD!
"Live like a kindergarten, you don't have to have the coolest clothes, the hottest boyfriend or girlfriend, you just have to eat the most paste and have the biggest box of colored pencils."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 17
OK i will give em..... 98%.
It was great really but the reason i gave 98 is because
the poem was a bit catchy
and some places it didn't make sense.
and there were 1 or 2 mistakes but it didn't hurt
the poem a bit.
so here goes



She lay by his body sickly,
away she said go away




so that's it i think i loved it
and i hope you will continue to
wright poems OK.

good luck!

:wink:
:wink:
:wink:
:wink:
:wink:



The ink in which our lives are inscribed is indelible.
— Helena 'HG' Wells, Warehouse 13