Fang Grain

Hi,
This is the opening conversation for my film. It has some ROUGH LANGUAGE, so watch out. This is a rough draft so I want as much feedback as possible, thankyou.

Ext. Australian Outback. Day.
A dirty black kingswood drives along a dirt road. Two guys ride in the car, they look about 18, both have untidy hair. The one driving is JUSTIN and the passenger is BEN.

Justin:
Yeah, the Looney tunes were good, I mean, they were fuckin great
Especially for their time, but they just didn’t hold any....
Sentimental value for me.

Ben:
You never watched the looney tunes as a kid?

Justin:
I think I had a videotape of Woody woodpecker.

Ben:
I hate that thing. Woody has got to be the most annoying animated
Bird ever, and there have been a lot of fuckin animated birds.
Anyway, Woody Woodpecker wasn’t one of the Looney tunes.

Justin:
Yeah he was, he was in an episode with bugs bunny.

Ben:
He was created by the same guy, but they weren’t in the same show.
Woody woodpecker isn’t even Walt Disney.


Justin:
So who is he?

Ben:
Walter Lanz.

Justin:
How many fuckin Waltz’s are there?
Is there any difference?

Ben:
Of course there’s a difference.
One was a pioneer, one was a disciple.
Walter Lanz is the K-Mart Walt Disney

Justin:
.....Woody woodpecker wasn’t the most annoying animated bird.

Ben:
HAVE YOU HEAR THAT FUCKIN THING?

Justin:
Yeah but road runner...what a tool.

Ben:
Does roadrunner make a noise so goddamn fucking annoying you want to blow your fucking head off?
No. It goes meep fuckin meep, and that’s fine. Besides, road runner is a survivalist.

Justin:
Big bird.

Ben:
Big bird was a puppet.

Justin:
It includes.

Ben:
He wasn’t animated...and anyway, big bird’s fine, he’s the Oprah
Of Sesame Street.

Justin:
And that’s a good thing?

Ben:
It’s a lot fucking better than Woody Woodpecker.



Justin:
Well the point is, I never watched the Looney Tunes, so they don’t hold any sentimental value for me.

Ben:
Well I watched them every morning before school. One day I was watching Speedy Gonzales and I remember one episode where the other mice were talking about Speedy and one of them says ‘Speedy goes steady with my sister’ to which another mouse replies ‘Speedy goes steady with everybody’s sister’. I know to you and me, it’s nothing, but I was, what, four years old when I was watching this. And here they are talking about a mouse’s sexual promiscuity.

Justin:
So...you learnt about mouse sex.

Ben:
That’s why I liked Looney Tunes so much. They were funny, they were well made, they were original, but also, they managed to make extremely obvious references about sex and drugs, which back then was a big thing, and no one gave a fuck. And not only that, have you seen Speedy Gonzales? Half of the time they’re pissed out of their fucking minds, it was banned recently because it represented Mexicans as lazy, drunken sex mice.

Justin:
Aren’t they?

Ben:
And then on another episode, Speedy’s friends ask him to cross the Mexican border to get them some cheese and sneak it back in.
Don’t you think maybe that’s a metaphor for something?

Justin:
It could be.

Ben:
And that’s what’s so great about Looney Tunes, underneath the colourful exterior, they were all drunken, drug smuggling sex mice.


A car is pulled over by the side of the road, the bonnet is up. Nobody appears to be in it, or near it.


Justin:
Should we pull over? Looks like they need help.

Ben:
Yeah, pull over.

2. Ext. Australian Outback. Day.
Justin and Ben pull up behind the car and get out of the car. The open their doors and stand on either side of their own car.

Justin:
Tweety.

Ben:
Annoying? Nah.

Justin:
Not annoying? If tweety aint annoying I don’t know what the fuck is.

Ben:
Woody Woodpecker is.

Justin:
But Tweety is fucking bad. That lisp, how it can’t pronounce it’s
t-h’s. That’s not a real speech impediment, it just does it to annoy the fucking cat.

Ben:
Ok. Tweety is annoying. But not as annoying as Woody Woodpecker.

Justin:
I watch tweety bird and I have never wanted another thing to die so fucking much. And it’s so frustrating because Sylvester never catches the little bitch.

Ben:
Yeah, it’s annoying, but it is nothing compared to Woody Woodpecker.
If Satan had a pet, it would be Woody Woodpecker.

Justin:
Fuck.

Okay, first of all, for an opening for a film, it doesn't give you any insight whatsoever as to what the film is going to be about, so it kind of leaves the reader hanging. However, I really did think it was funny. Actually, it was really funny. You definitely must continue.

However, there is one more comment I have: you mention in the beginning that there will be some rough language, but honestly, you really don't need it at all. It just the same four-letter words over and over again, and, although it may be part of their characters to speak like that, it doesn't enhance the wondurful humour in any way, and it chops up the dialogue, making it hard to read. I think you can just chop all the explatives right outa there.

Apart from those little nit-picks though, I thought it was really funny and I think you should continue.

Cheers, Wang Chung

Hey! Thanks for commenting, man.

I'm so glad you liked the humour, after watching Tarantino's films I've kinda lost my perspective on this kind of dialogue so it's reasuring to know you liked it.

The reason it doesn't mention what's actually going to happen in the film is because it really doesn't matter. I want it to be a light-hearted nothing-much-happens-but-it-was-fun-to-watch-nothing-happen kind of movie. The fact that they go to the boot, however, does play a part in the film.
I will try and put something in that catch's the thoughts of those who need a plotline though.

I've re-read it and I think you might be right about the language. Maybe those words don't really improve it in any way. I'll have a think about, but it will probably end up on the way the actors deliver the speech with and without.

Anway, thankyou so much for reading and replying, I will take all your comments on board.

Cameron....i mean, ArthurDent

Ben:
HAVE YOU HEAR THAT FUCKIN THING?

\

'Heard'

Okay that was the only peice of grammer I could find that wasn't up to snuff. *applauds* Other then that, I really enjoyed reading this script, though I'm not sure how it would stand up as a movie. As a story - definately. Movie - not so much. Going on for 10 minutes about the most annoying animated bird might be amusing to read, but it may not be so amusing when all you have to see are two guys in a car. I get the feeling I'm doing a terrible job explaining this so let me try one last time *smacks head*

Ext. Australian Outback. Day.
A dirty black kingswood drives along a dirt road. Two guys ride in the car, they look about 18, both have untidy hair. The one driving is JUSTIN and the passenger is BEN.

Is this all your audience are going to see throughout the whole conversation?

Although I loved the dialogue, and really would hate to have you cut it out, I would suggest possibly shortening it up, or moving half to another time in your movie.

Okay so now that all that terrible stuff is said, I truly can't wait for more! I'm excited to know where this is going. Also, I wonder what they will find in the car. I'm guessing either a dead body or loads of cash.

Thanks for the comments.
I understand what you mean, the audience will probably need more on screen action to keep their ADD attention spans (which I attribute to Hollywood and their money=explosions=happy audiences=more money) occupied.

The action comes later, I wanted this to be light-hearted meaningless conversation to... I dont really know if theirs a purpose but it works in my head and to me, its a lot more effective and entertaining than just a plain old establishing shot. I guess it's just like "Here's the characters, it's just normal life. Oh look something interesting in the car trunk, what a coincidence that that happened at the same time as we were filming' kinda thing.

Ok, that makes no sense at all and I definitely understand what your saying so I will review what I've written.

I'm really glad that you liked the dialogue and thanks again for commenting.

By the way, its not a dead body or loads of cash! It something much more crazy.

Thanks,
Cam....i mean, reservoirdentpie....i mean....what username do i use for this website?......oh
ArthurDent