Soul, once more

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A gust of wind whipped through the stone corridor, chilly and sinister. Stepping into a shadowy alcove, the couple vanished from sight. The knight leaned back against a wall as he looked down at the young maiden. The lady clutched his tunic, peering up into his face as if searching for answers in his dark eyes.

A squad of three men passed by the alcove, their armor clinking as they marched down the hallway. Turning the corner, they vanished from sight and sound. The world hushed for a moment, waiting for the next revolution. The maiden looked out into the corridor, checking before turning back to the man. She took a deep breath and leaned closer to him.
After a moment the lady spoke, her voice a broken whisper, “You don’t have to go, stay here. Who cares about what other thinks? It is meant to be, I know it is.”

The man rested his hand upon the hilt of his sword, looking away. He looked back at her, and his heart gave a small jerk at the thought of what he was about to do. The knight stared into her tear-filled, emerald eyes, and his own filled with sorrow. He brushed his finger against her cheek, and caught a diamond tear.

“It is what must be done, my love. You are worthy of so much more than I. A wandering knight, who destroys and slaughters those whom are mine enemies, I have killed too many sons to deserve any of my own. You deserve a man who can give you what you want, without regret,” the knight whispered. He pressed his lips to her forehead before pushing her away.

The lady grabbed his tunic harder, pulling him close, “Even if you leave me, I cannot move on. I know it in my very soul that you are the only one for me. Can’t you see, we are two halves of a whole? Don’t you feel it in your heart, or do you believe that is lost as well.”

The knight shook his head sadly. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him before releasing her. The lady leaned up, kissing him fiercely, her fingers lacing into his hair. The man returned the kiss passionately, lifting her up slightly. He shoved her away after a time, his breathing ragged. He dashed away down the hall prior to another word spoken.

The lady collapsed, tears streaming freely down her face, “No one but you…”
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”

"Foul devil, for God's sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims." (Richard III 1.2) Shakespeare




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Ladydark, you have a good beginning her but unless you are going to continue it...it slightly looses its powerfulness. :wink:

I feel like this is a rough sketch of something bigger and more suspenseful, like you cut a chunk from the middle of a chapter. We know little of your characters or how their fates have brought them together.

However, I felt the passion. You have a way with grabbing the reader, even if it is a short piece. I would either work on expanding this or try to come up with some way to tie this all together. Right now, it is kind of loosing its ability to be more than it is now.

I see that you have a plain Soul and if that is connected to this, than ignore my above comments and just listen to the expanding part. hehe

Hopefully this helped and I really didn't try to sound harsh so if I did, I'm sorry! :?

If you have any questions or concerns, PM me!
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Ladydark, this is amazing. So...passionate. I am just...amazed at how beautifully written this is. I love the setting as well. You can just image the two in such a dark age with a love so bright in their eyes. In hers at least.
I have killed too many sons to deserve any of my own.

This was brilliant. I don't know how you managed to come up with something as...original as that. I mean...wow. This is really something.
Post some more stuff, I would love to read it.
You are a great writer!
Trina.
Trina.
Trina.
TRINA!
XD




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hehe, thanks. Not that great a writer. Left YWS for a while, didn't have things to post. But I guess I'm back again. I'll even try to edit stuff, but.. college life makes it hard. So.. I'll post one more thing, and then let it go from there. "By the pricking of my thumb/Something wicked this way comes." - MacBeth
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”

"Foul devil, for God's sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims." (Richard III 1.2) Shakespeare



There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket