To...?

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 300
Reviews 0
To dream is to hope,
to hope is to want
to want is a feeling
thats what it means

To love is to cherish,
to cherish is to extract
but you cant extract love
You cherish what you have

To find is to hunt,
You hunt what you need
if you cannot find love
you do not believe

To understand is to comprehend
But comprehension doest stand
You sit under the table
And no one lends a hand

To be is be
To be is yourself
some people are cruel
some, think they're stealth.
Jake is...
Somewhere far, far away.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 4166
Reviews 189
It's kind of creepy-i wrote a poem a little bit similar to this one about three months ago. I like the train-of-thought- thing. It's....pensive. (thoughtful) You could call it "To Be:".
I didn't get the part about "To cherish is to extract..." That was about it, though. Go back through and put in the apostrophes in the can't in the stanza about love. A few other typos, i think. Good poem.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 105
To dream is to hope,
to hope is to want
to want is a feeling comma
thats what it means The last two lines of this stanza sound sort of like you just put them there because you didn't know what to say... yes, we know want is a feeling... and duh that's what it means! That's simply what it is! I'm sure you can think of something more creative...

To love is to cherish,
to cherish is to extract comma
but you can apostrophe t extract love this needs to be a period because your next line is capitalized... but you could also just de-capitalize it.
You cherish what you have Period... but this line seems a bit repetitive... it would work if you changed it up a bit to make more sense such as 'make sure you cherish all that you have,' or something to that effect... I don't think it will matter much if its a bit longer as long as it gets your point across better.

To find is to hunt, period... (your next sentence is a capital.)
You hunt what you need comma
if you cannot find love comma
you do not believe period... this is my favorite stanza by the way... it seems to flow best.

To understand is to comprehend period... except this doesn't really make sense. It's like saying 'to understand means to understand' because to understand is the exact same thing as to comprehend.
But comprehension doest stand period
You sit under the table comma
And and should be a lower-caseno one lends a hand period... I like these two lines too.

To be is be Okay, what? To be is to be? Um... obviously... maybe thats not what you meant, but it doesn't make sense at all.
To be is yourself Comma... I understand what you meant here... it could be worded better though... maybe something like 'to be is who you are.' thats not good either but you get the point...
some people are cruel comma
some, think they're stealth. Um... stealth is a noun, not a verb, so this doesn't make sense. You could say stealthy, but honestly that would make me laugh because it sounds so... weird... and you don't want people to laugh because the rest of the poem has a nice serious tone to it...


Overall:
I think this needs a lot of work. But it could be really good. Right now, it just sounds like you were in a hurry to write something and weren't really paying attention.

So good luck editing, and many parts were nice so good job on those. Hope I helped! :D
Of course it's happening in your mind, but why on earth should that mean it isn't real?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 10
Wow
This poem is really good, i'm not gunna bother about the punctuation etc in it tbh becsause im more concerned about the message, the image and the emotions you are trying to out forward...and succeeded. The short sentances keep a good sturdy flow but also create a effect of slight desperation. I dont now if this was on purpose but sounds good.

I really like the way you take something good and turn it into something bad ( in a screwed up way )

Keep up the good work =]

:):):)

xxx
Why ruin a present happiness by a distant misery that may never even come at all?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 30
i really like the ocncept of your poem. its unique and different. you did a really great job with the stucture and your wording. everything flowed pretty nicely and you kept it strong right to the end. you alos gave the reader alot of emotions to work with. awesome job!!




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
I love how you explained every word and made a comparison to it. I loved the emotion felt the way you describe the feelings for love. Again, I agree with the comments above. Great job. I loved it.
I don't know anyone that is normal. If we were all normal we wouldn't be different. ~ME




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2594
Reviews 171
i think this is a really good poem at first glance but there are some things about it that kinda threw me off...
first of all the first two parts dont rhyme but the last three do
and second the second, third, and fith dont flow together very well, i would recomend trying to find smaller words instead of the bigger words that screw up the rhythm

other than that i think this was a really good poem

Good luck
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!



When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio