Forest People Pt. 1

The sunlight didn't show through the canopy of green net. A few beams reached the moist earth. I moved my bare soles silently across the floor of brown and green, then reached the flowing cool water. The river was wide, but not very deep. I effortlessly pushed my foot trough the water that ran with a slow pace. Pebbles slightly parted as my toes reached for the dirt beneath them. The water was cool, but not too cold. The other foot followed the first and I quickly placed my hand on the tree that was nearest to me, so I could keep balanced. The rough bark felt like enlarged sand paper. I stood for a moment breathing deeply. Nothing was going to spoil this. Being alone, yet not so alone. I was surrounded by my friends, the water, the air, the trees, but I only need one person. Me. I stood for a while in silence. Then suddenly I was not so alone; I was not the only person. I stared across the river and saw a tall figure. His dark hair drooped past his shoulders. A pair of eyes immediately stole mine. I did not withdraw my feet from the water, but his entered it. There was no danger. None at all. I glided my foot through the water, the next following. He was doing the same. We were just a couple of feet from each other now. The look on his face was as if he had never before seen another human being. I'm sure my expression matched. I can't come up with a reason as to why we decided to approach the other. It was like a gravitational force pulling our bodies and our souls closer. His face was flawless. His lips a light, full, rose colour. Perfectly shaped. His dark eyelashes framed his breathe taking hazy eyes. The simplicity of his perfect nose completed his face, smooth with perfect skin. I was much to distracted by this unreal face to notice that it was only inches from mine. His lips drew back and a set of beautiful white teeth glittered at me, and then my breath was gone.
"Hello," He said in the most mellifluous, deep voice I had ever heard. I was now a believer in the concept of, "love at first sight." I felt sure that our eyes were perpetually locked.
"Hello," I managed to release. His smile widened, taking my breath once more.

Very interesting, indeed! A couple things that jumped out at me though. First, the obvious ones.

I moved my bare soles silently across the floor of brown and green, then reaching the flowing cool water.

If you're trying to say that you moved and then got to the water, use reached instead of reaching. Your verb forms must be consistent.

I was surrounded by my friends, he water, the air, the trees, but I only need one person.

Forgot your T

Now onto other things....

We were just a couple of a feet from each other now.

This might just be how my mind works, but I try to stay away from "just" if at all possible. Try "We were only a couple of......." And also, omit the "a" in "couple of a feet."

"Hello," He said in the most mellifluous, deep voice I had ever heard.

Change it to "deep, mellifluous." I think that it flows better when the shorter word comes first. That might just be me though....

Lastly,

The look on his face was as if he had never seen another human being before.

That statement assumes that the reader knows exactly what someone's face would look like if they had never before seen a human. (That's another thing, but before in front of never. You shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition .) Some people might think that that person's face would be excitement, others would think it to be fear, shock, suspense, danger, shy, etc., etc. Instead of using that phrase, try to explain his actual facial expression in detail. "The look on his face showed the caution he was taking as he approached me," or something. LoL, whatever works for you.

I really enjoyed reading this, though! I hope my suggestions didn't sound mean... Just trying to help

Looking forward to reading more!!

Thank you for the sugestions, JosephDean.
:]

Running,

Hello! ‘scuse me for the username, but I’m not going to type out the whole thing, and I don’t fancy calling anyone “devil” ^^ So “running” you are.

Anyway, before I start to review - one VERY IMPORTANT thing. For you to be able to post any work of yours, you have to review 2 other pieces. For the next, another two pieces, though yes, you’re encouraged to review more (:

So, 2:1. 2 - reviews for other people, 1 - your own work. Loves wonderfully ^^.

Anyway, to your piece -


Quote:
Being alone, yet not so alone.
The spoiling? Hmm?


Quote:
The simplicity of his perfect nose completed his face, smooth with perfect skin.
“perfect” was used a sentence or two ago.


Quote:
"Hello," He said in the most mellifluous, deep voice I had ever heard.
Scary, purple prosy word. And “he” in minors, dialogue punctuation.


Quote:
I was now a believer in the concept of, "love at first sight."
No comma.


***

The painted images are very good, and this was, all in all, well-written. But the first thing that I noticed was this huge chunk of a paragraph. Scary, really, and a tad bit off-putting and intimidating. That’s the first thing that should, in my opinion, be changed. Split it up.

Will dialogue punctuation be a problem? If yes, then check out some articles about it. There was two little for me to know if those errors weren’t only typos.


Cheers,
Esme