The Key to my Diamond Heart

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The Key to My Diamond Heart

As I sat there holding my dying fiancée’s hand, I thought about all the memories that we had had together. There were so many great memories that we had had, and as I thought about that, I realised that we will never have any more great memories because of Brett’s failing heart. I didn’t realise that tears were streaming down my face until I heard a male voice say, “Now why would such a pretty girl be crying so profusely?” I looked up and wiped the tears from face and say a young man about my age standing in the doorway. After what he had said registered in my mind, I replied very calmly saying, “I was just thinking about my past, and why would such a handsome young man be so nosy and rude.”

I realised then that I was flirting with a guy, while my fiancée was dying. I felt a splash of shame wash over me. I looked up at the man standing in the doorway and said very seriously, “Leave please; I do not want any company I would like to be myself right now thank-you.” He replied in saying, “I am sorry for being so nosy and rude and I will gladly leave you alone for I don’t really want to be around someone who wants to be alone, for they tend to get a little grouchy.” I gave him a menacing look and then got up to go get a bottle of water from the vending machine.

I realised after once I was home in our apartment that I was strangely attracted to this mysterious man at the hospital, I felt so ashamed for being attracted to this man while my fiancée was dying that I drove all the way to the hospital and sat next to my fiancée waiting for him to wake-up. I knew that it wasn’t going to change what I did or felt but it would make me feel a little less guilty.

I stayed there late after the visiting hours stopped and all the nurses understood perfectly fine. Brett finally woke-up at about 3 am in the morning and when he did I was right next to him waiting. He told me that it was really nice for me to stay with him but it wasn’t necessary. I told him it was and that I loved him so much. We talked late into the morning and at about 7 am I told him he should probably catch some sleep and that I would be back later in the day. We kissed gently and then I was on my way.

Since it was Saturday I did not have to go to work so I went home showered and dressed up, I also grabbed one of Brett’s suits and then headed off to the hospital again. Once there I took the suit up to his room and once I was in his room I told him my plan. He was to dress in his suit and then we could head downtown and go to dinner and shopping. I told him I had already gotten a day pass and that it would be fine. He dressed and then we head out.

On our way into town Brett told me that I needed to stop at his favourite jewellery store. I did and when we went in everyone that worked there must have recognized him because they all said hi to him. He took me over to where all the diamond pieces were, once there he asked one of the employees and they went into the back and when she came out she was holding a fairly large black velvet case. I gasped, and asked what was in it. Brett took it from her said thanks and opened it up. Inside the velvet case was the most beautiful necklace ever. He pulled it out of the case and asked for me to lift up my hair and turn around. I did so, and it he so gently hung it on my neck and clasped it at the back.

It was the most beautiful thing ever. I loved it so much and not just because it was beautiful but because he had given it to me. It was a small silver key with diamonds encased around it. There was a silver braided chain that was attached to the key that hung around my neck. It was so beautiful. I thanked him with a gracious meaningful kiss on the lips. He pulled away 30 seconds later and dug out a small silver keychain with a diamond heart attached to it, with 17 diamonds encircling it. There was a gap in between where the heart joined and a small patter in the center, it was almost like a key shape in the center. He held it next to the diamond key around my neck and my key fit perfectly into the shape in his diamond heart. He asked me to make sure the heart was buried with him when he passed on.

I cried tears of Joy and sadness right there when I saw that, and he said to me, “Baby don’t cry, I did this so this way when I pass on, you will still and always will have the key to my diamond heart.
Morgan Snape

"What goes around comes around"




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I like the plot but the dialogue isn't very believable. It sems as though your trying too hard to use good grammar "big words" xD I really like the story but I couldn't get over that it sound kind of fake. I'm sorry don't mean to be harsh. But I really like the story. Also the man in the hospital doesn't make sense to me at the end it is between the fiance. this mysterious man in the hospital doesn't really add anything to the story. I fhe would have come up again in the story I would understand but it seems like he's going to be a suggificant part of the story and turns out not to. the story over all is very sweet and cute though.
D ETDF & DTUA haha my modo!




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thnks but no thanks
srry i am just over that story
Morgan Snape

"What goes around comes around"




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Gender Male
Points 890
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Keep trying. I did not feel particularly attached to any character nor was the plot anything of real value. You didn't give the fiance a name and I think that you even put more detail into the mysterious man than the fiance the main character supposedly loved. I don't think that it was encessarily appropriate to dress him in a suit right after being discharge from the hospital he was admitted to for supposedly dying. Then to have the two of them go shopping was rather absurd. All it really did was set up the improbable sentimental goosh at the end.

I'm sorry to have been so harsh, but this piece really needs improvement and seems too unrealistic.
A poet must take the thorns so that others may enjoy the roses that have been made red through no act of nature.




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It was very unrealistic. Dont feel bad I have written a ton of unbeleivabel stuff before. But the dialog was very unbeleivable and the man in the hospital? SHe was strangley sttracted to him. then she was flirting, then she felt guilt about 15 million times. Pluss the encircling and the encasing of the diamonds and 17 diamonds pluss hospital bills? I dont think so unless their donald trump. Again I say the charecters wernt very real and I didnt get very attached to them. Plus this fiance who we never got the name of was very cheesy. The key to his diamond heart? SELF CENTERED MUCH?! well other than that if you had really put some effort into this then the plot has some potential but I didnt find it very good. Sorry to sound mean,
Living in a tower



It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind