Montana

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Gender Female
Points 890
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This is a very very first draft. Please tell me what you like and dont like etc.


Montana


I love the place where we get up in the black, muted hush before dawn.

The air is chill, and smooth as silk.
It stings the nose with freshness and wakes the lungs with fire.

Painted with a rainbow, the sky heralds the sun.
The rosy mountains glow and the skies indigo turns to incandescent blue.

The cold lifts like a curtain rising on the day.
A golden haze gathers above the ground.


Boots and hooves on soil shatter the silence, soft nickers and words of greeting whispered.
We head for the hills, where the bowl of the earth meets the dome of the sky,
Almost flying but much more earthed, the ground real and uneven beneath steady hooves.
There a river flows like a vital artery in the body of the world.
The mountain forests are dense and black, with scars of cleared earth, stark.
The wind gallops with us across the plane, and blows clouds like feathers into the sky.


The sun sinks in a deep bow and kisses the earth goodnight.
As the buttery haze of sunlight vanishes into the air,
the cold wraps itself round the earth once more,
preserving it for another day.


After this my city feels close and cramped.
The sky is shrunken and the earth obstructed.
I cannot see the natural dirt and earth, only the human filth.
The trees fold their arms and dream of space, as I close my eyes and remember…
Last edited by Evaeva on Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 38
i live in Idaho (close enough :lol: ) and you captured the area exactly...
there was a double use of the word "hooves" which I stumbled across. using the same word too close together is a pet peive of mine, though, so keep that in mind.

good job!
"All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world. "

"No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that."



What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare