Cold Autumn

So this is a poem I wrote at 12:45 AM Sunday.
I have this weird "problem" that I can't write anything good until PM so I only have 11 hours to write each day ( if that.)
But I really wanted to write that Sunday morning so I did.

Hope it makes sense!!! Please Comment!



Cold Autumn

The leaves turn brittle and stale,
their limbs rot and age,
the sudden chill turns us pale.

Children play and learn,
bundled in coats and scarves,
we join them in a hasty yearn.

To enjoy the change of weather,
and make best of the good times,
a task best done without tether.

Firelight flows at night,
a comfort in the cold,
We aren't scared in the slight.

For this winter will sure be harsh,
snow falling in blankets instead of flakes,
here in our hidden Marsh.

All our thoughts are on the joyful season, the cold autumn.


P.S. For anyone who is wondering where in the world I am
or if I fell in a dark hole and can't get out (which ever you prefer)
I've been working very very hard on my novel so I can get some chapters up here,
so forgive my absence.
I'm just torturing my self with paper cuts and
head ache making writer's block in the darkness of night .
Also, I have lost my E drive so I have to write all my projects
I want to post on here on a piece of paper then copy
them in this message box til I can find it. Oh joy.

This is a nice poem, I love autumn =] I especially liked the image of firelight and children playing in the leaves.

I think this would be a much better poem if you either changed your rhyme scheme, stopped it all together, or just edited some of them. A lot of your rhymes are bad just because they don't make sense. For example

we aren't scared in the slight

and

we join them in hasty yearn

Those would be "slightest" and "yearning" (and hasty yearning is kind of an odd coupling anyway). I think you only used those words to fit with the rhyme, but they just don't make sense and that's no good. Words have to make some sense!

I also think this poem would be better if you used more poetic language. You could do that with more ease if you dropped the forced rhyme scheme. You could really bring autumn to life if you used images and not just facts about what there is. You have a really good base for that. Try taking the firelight and instead of just saying it's warm and we're not afraid, tell us what the fire is like, what it smells like and feels like on your skin, what the little embers coming from it look like and where they go to, how it moves. What about how the leaves fall, what the children sound and look like when they play, not just the bare facts but the emotions and sensory feeling behind it all.

I think that would make this a lovely poem!