Last Night

I wrote this because I needed to tell someone how I felt.

Last Night

I stayed up all last night,
just thinking about you.
The way you make me feel,
the things you make me do.

My head screamed "no!",
my heart sang "yes!",
but still I couldn't figure,
what to make of this big mess.

My love was indecisive
of what it was to do.
I wasn't sure the words you spoke
could all the way be true.

My eyes drew weary,
they felt heavy as lead,
and then I heard your voice,
and this is what it said:

"Roses are red,
violets are blue,
we'd better get to bed,
before it turns two."

I closed my eyes and smiled,
Oh, what was I to do?
And then I came to the conclusion,
I really loved you too.

I enjoyed reading this. My only problem is that you ryhmed "two" with "too", but you can just leave it at "I love you" I think that sounds alittle better.

Other then that, the meaning of this poem came to me at the end and I was like "wow" cause i can feel the emotion running through certain lines. Really nice. I could never write something like this. Love to see more of your work!

-Curly

This was a really nice read, makes me wish I was that person worthy enough to deserve that poem in his/her's honor!



Only the last line bothered me:


"I really loved you too."


I don't know why, but the whole poem seemed sound until that last line, but other than that I found this to be heart warming and cute. It felt, in reading it, as if you had been writing it on your hand as the moment was happening!

Awwww how sweet.

I think you should cut "too" at the very end and it would sound much better to the ears. Other than that, it's a very cute love poem. Great job. I think it's great that a guy is actually posting up love poems for once, I'm not saying they don't, but you hardly see them you know? Anyways, awesome job.


-Lindsay

I like the thought you put into this poem and the emotion that you carry with it. It really shows throughout the poem. I don't think I saw anything that need fixng so, nice job. Plus, it somewhat shows the struggle you had didciding wheater or not you loved this person.

I don't usually enjoy rhyming poetry, sometimes I find it gets a little too childlike. But that's just my opinion and to be honest, it works in your poem.

I really enjoyed it. I do agree that you could have left "too" out at the end. It paints a great picture and gets to the point.

Lovely, love it.

I truly enjoyed reading this piece. I did find it very insightful, although I feel that you could have used more adjectives and described the setting a tad bit more so you could sway the readers/audiences' emotions. But overall, brava!

I truly enjoyed reading this piece. It most definitely kept me hooked.
I did find it very insightful, although I feel that you could have used more adjectives and described the setting a tad bit more so you could sway the readers/audiences' emotions. But overall, brava!

Awww this was really sweet and whomever you wrote this to is really lucky because this is beautiful and it truly flows nicely. I have no complaints but I think that this stanza

I closed my eyes and smiled,
Oh, what was I to do?
And then I came to the conclusion,
I really loved you too.

would really be better without the too after love. Other than that, I can tell you've been writing poetry for some time and I'll be looking forward to reading something else from you.
Keep writing,
Angel

Hi Sadie!

"Roses are red,

violets are blue,

we'd better get to bed,

before it turns two."

This was kind of lame. If a guy said that to me I'd tell them to think of something better. Lol!

I really loved you too.

Yeah, take off the too. It doesn't soujd good.

Nice poem though. Did you show it to the girl?

-Mal

Hey I'm not a great poet and don't know much about poetry, but your poem was really good. It had a great rhyme (it was different,but good). Every stanza was short and sweet. All in all it was laid out beautifully.

There's not much that I see you can change although I'm not sure exactly what this means: "could all the way be true" I have an idea of what this means but it's not clear to me. I've never been in love so it might just be me who doesn't get this.

Also "... we'd better get to bed before it turns two" doesn't make much sense. Are you referring to the time. If so try to make this more clear.

Hope this is helpful and good work keep it up.