A Whisper in the Wind (1 of 4)

ashleylee · 2008-07-27T16:32:31Z

All right, I couldn't resist posting this. I got the idea a few nights ago and I just HAD to write it down. But for some reason...I'm struggling with it. I think it's because it is a short story piece ((there will be four parts total)) The idea came from the song: "Thunder" by: Boys like Girls. All the bold parts are lyrics from the song so it is based off of that. But yeah, I'm not sure if this is worthy to be continued so let me know if I should or not... Happy Reading! :D **Edited of August 7, 2008** ______________________________________________________________________ PART ONE Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer… Sunlight trickled down through the maze of clouds, showering us in a buttery haze. The air was heavy with humidity, giving the illusion that I could reach out and take a handful of it, creating crowns of perspiration on all of our foreheads. My lips pressed against the icy glass of lemonade, and I took a sip, relishing the feel of the cold liquid as it slithered down my throat. Replacing the glass on the wood planks of the back porch, I eyed the football game conspiring before me. Most of the players ranged in size of two-feet to a mere five. However, there was one that stood out from the rest—the six-foot-one quarterback. I smiled when my eyes were drawn to him like a piece of iron to a magnet. His hair was the shade of a mocha expresso and glinted in the yellow light, his long bangs swept back from his face so he could better see. His glasses flashed as he threw the ball to his seven-year-old cousin, Mark, who caught it midair before tumbling to the ground. Soon after, cousin after cousin hog-piled on top of poor Mark. I heard that familiar laugh, throaty and deep, that made my stomach start to free fall. I peeked over and saw the quarterback, hands on his hips, watching the kids with merriment shinning in his dark chocolate-colored eyes. I couldn’t help but notice his taunt muscles along his chest and stomach, his only piece of clothing being a pair of jean shorts that did him justice, fitting to his form after many years of use. “Okay, that’s enough!” a woman’s voice scolded from behind me. I turned to see the mother of the household, a lady nearing forty-seven with her wispy blonde hair pulled into a low pony. She spotted me, and her kind aged face split into a pleasant smile. It was refreshing and I felt my mood heighten slightly. “Hey, Valerie. You hungry?” “No, but thank you, Mrs. Benson,” I replied, smiling sweetly back. I couldn’t help but admire the woman before me. She was so small, so petite, but the presence she held, the atmosphere she created every time she stepped into the room…it was simply unreal. And I felt connected to her like no other adult, even my own foster parents. “All right, hon. Hey, boys! Time to eat!” At these words, the younger ones stampeded up the steps and into the house. I quickly snatched up my lemonade before it was smashed and moved myself out of the target zone, laughing softly at the scene. “Hey, Valerie.” I turned around to see a younger girl, around my own age, descend onto the porch. She was of average height with pin-straight hair reaching towards her waist and the same dark chocolate eyes as the quarterback. Her name was Melinda Benson, the quarterback’s twin sister and she was one of my best friends. “How are you holding up?” “Pretty good.” My eyes landed on the quarterback again. “Enjoying the view.” The girl wrinkled her nose in disgust. “You know, he is my dweeby brother, right?” “I know,” I sighed, sitting once again on the steps. I saw the boy making his way over to us, and Melinda found this a good time to make her exit. “Well, I better go.” With a wink shot in my direction, she disappeared back into the house. I eased my back into the steps, taking another sip of my lemonade. “Looking good,” I called out when he was near. His lips parted in a wide smile, snatching his shirt from a low-hanging branch, and throwing it over his head before collapsing beside me. “Thirsty?” “Yes.” He nodded, snagging the glass from me and taking a big gulp of the lemony drink. “Mmm, mom sure does make the best lemonade.” I bobbed my head up and down in agreement as he set the glass between us. I peered shyly over at him before speaking. “Adam, I just wanted to thank you for inviting me over here. It means a lot.” “Of course,” Adam grinned, taking my hand in his own. “I couldn’t resist showing you off.” “Your family is so…real, you know?” I continued, gazing off into the distance. I felt a lump rise in my throat and turned away in embarrassment. I never cried, especially in front of people, and here I was, acting like a blubbering baby. I hoped he wouldn’t notice but I should have known that I could never hide anything from him. Adam was too attentive for his own good and noticed immediately that something was amiss. “Val? What’s wrong?” he questioned with that compassionate tone that seemed to create even more tears. “It’s just…” I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes shut to prevent the flow of salt water. “I never had barbecues and family get-togethers and stuff like that. So, being here…being with you…” I paused, looking him right in the eye, sinking into the depths of the chocolate-y recesses. “Oh, Val.” He cupped my face with his hands. “I knew this was big for you, considering your own family situation.” I nodded, biting on my lip before I started to cry. “But I wanted to share this with you. I wanted you to meet my family. Meet everyone!” I hiccuped through a smile, and he chuckled softly. “Oh, Val,” he said again before pressing his lips softly to mine, sending pulses of feeling through my entire body. Adam had a way of being tender, and yet, when we pulled back, I was heaving for air, draining me of everything I had. He ran his thumbs under my eyes, tracing ever feature with his eyes. “Better?” he asked. “Yes.” “Good. Now let’s go eat.” Taking my hand, he led me inside his home. But before we reached the door, we heard voices shout out our names from outside the fence. We both turned in unison and spotted two blonde heads peek out behind the gate. They both waved, and Adam waved back. I felt my body stiffen as he ran back down the porch steps to open the door. The girls were Carly Parker, and Natalie Smith. They were my friends as well but as I saw their eyes linger on Adam’s frame, his fitting shorts, his sweat-streaked skin, a bubbling emotion rose in my throat, cutting off my breathing for only a moment. I recognized that look. I had seen it many times before. And I saw the same one in Adam’s eyes. At first, I thought I mistook it but there it was, the same admiring gaze, as his eyes flowed over each girls’ slender figure. With my hands shaking, I skipped over to join them, latching onto Adam’s arm for dear life while greeting the girls with a false smile that I hoped they couldn’t detect. Adam’s admiring eyes turned to me and they glowed even more. And when he turned back to the girls, the look was gone and I could continue to breathe. I don’t wanna ever love another… The coruscating stars winked at us from the heavens, creating all a manner of designs like the Little Dipper and what looked like a bunny rabbit. It was like an artist’s masterpiece spread across an endless canvass for everyone to see. The air had cooled considerably since that afternoon, and the breeze was a cooling breath of fresh air. Looking at the house, I saw all the windows were black. The family had all gone home and Adam’s parent’s had gone out for dinner, leaving us behind. Lying back down on the hammock, Adam enveloped me into an embrace and we swayed back in forth in the light breeze. My chin was resting on his chest, my hand lying directly over his heart, filling my palm with each steady beat it made. His breathing was slow and easy, and I sometimes mistook it as sleeping. But every time I glanced up at him, his eyes were open and he was watching me intensely. This thought sent my heart pounding, but in a good way. I felt safe, secure, and I let my eyes slip closed as the breeze rocked us, lulling us into a sense of slumber. One of his hands traveled up to my hair and softly played with the strands. “Valerie?” His voice tumbled from his mouth and into the open air, startling me awake. “Hmm?” I mumbled, unable to do more than that as the fatigue was slowly consuming me. “You know I love you, right?” I heard the slight waver in his voice, and my eyes fluttered open. The first thought that flowed through my mind was Honey, I love you with all my heart! Don’t every doubt that! I suddenly had fears of his doubt, of my doubt. Why was he suddenly like this? I went back to this afternoon, that moment with the girls, with that same look that he used on all the girls at school. Melinda had warned me. She had said that even if he was her brother, he was still a player. But I ignored her, and now here we were, and I had won. I had to remember his past, the distant girlfriends who had all left him hanging. He wasn’t a player like Melinda said, just misunderstood. He had always been self-conscious, always needing reassurances, and I was more than willing to give it to him. “Of course.” I moved so I could look him in the eye. “And you know that I love you , right?” “Yes.” He smiled and kissed me. But this time was different. His lips were possessive, molding to my shape. His being, of him kissing me, drowned out all other thoughts of his sudden wariness about our love. All I knew was him, all I felt was him. My world was him. When his lips left mine, we were both breathing heavily. He then pressed his lips against my forehead, a gesture that made any girl melt, which I did. I caved against him, curling up into the same position as before. And that’s how I fell asleep. In Adam’s arms.

Night Mistress

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Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:02 pm

Night Mistress says... · Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:02 pm

it better than it was before. i like this edited version better.

i don't see anything wrong with it so you are okay.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion

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ashleylee

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Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:16 pm

ashleylee says... · Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:16 pm

Night Mistress:

Thanks!

But I think I will need to do even more editing still. I don't think it's quite right yet...

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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Merry_Haven

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Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:05 pm

Merry_Haven says... · Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:05 pm

Boys Like Girls? Such a great band. Makes me wanna go listen to that song...
Anyway this was short but I guess it's because it's a short story.
The story line was great but it seemed too perfect. Like there's something missing from it.
Adam's a sweet guy to Valerie, who seems to love football. {not my fav. sport} But their relationship was too perfect. But I guess this was a short story afterall.
Overall: pretty good for a short story. It's better then what I can do. Gonna go read part 2...
-Merry

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Bella

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Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:49 am

Bella says... · Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:49 am

Wow, I loved this!
I had a pretty hard time just reading it and giving a good crit though, because a lot of things I noticed were more nitpicky things. So I printed it out and wrote all over it, then scanned it and put it back right here ^.^
I plan on doing that for the rest of them too!
So, here's your crit, hope it helps. If you have any trouble reading it, or anything, just PM me and I'll gladly try to interpret it myself!

Good work and merry writing!
~Bella Bambina~

P.S. I'm very sorry for stretching the forum, if it does. (Sometimes images do that). I've spent about ten minutes trying to make the images smaller, and no matter what I do they aren't smaller on the image link part. I'm very very sorry!

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) <3

Please review my performance poem?

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ashleylee

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Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:01 am

ashleylee says... · Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:01 am

Merry_Haven:

Yeah, I really struggled with this one. I mean, I usually make long, novel like things so doing an short piece was really hard for me. But I did give him flaws in the other installments, so hopefully that kind of crushed the perfect picture thing.

Well, thanks for taking the time to read it!

Bella:

Thanks for reading! Wow, you scanned it and everything. You did so much! But you helped a lot. Hopefully I can make these changes soon. I can't now, but I plan to.

Thank you so much!

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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amniba

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Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:27 pm

amniba says... · Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:27 pm

You could make it more real by adding imperfections. Just little things, like coffee rings on a table.
I love the story so far though!

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ashleylee

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Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:26 pm

ashleylee says... · Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:26 pm

Amniba:

I know. Flaws, imperfections, all that jazz is something I need to work on. I promise that I will add stuff like that. I am working on the rewrite as we speak! :wink:

Well, thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it!

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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ashleylee

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Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:35 pm

ashleylee says... · Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:35 pm

*edited majorly*

hope this version is better

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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