Curled Heart

Gaze into a broken heart;

Do you still feel so smart?

Stabbed with a steel dart,

Suffering goes off the chart.



Leave with this poor soul,

Of your hatred it is full.

The pain shall never dull;

Into a void we shall fall.



You're a cold heartless girl.

You were once his whole world.

Now his heart is curled;

And it will never be unfurled.

hehehe unfurled.. thats a funny word.. like hippopotomuses... the hippopotomus unfurrled his gangly tounge. you can use that one if you want.. but anyway.. and what if i do still feel so smart huh? playing darts with your heart.. oooh no sorry you cant use that one my friend that twan ist mine!

I liked this.


It was short, cool, and to the point.


This line kinda bothered me though, b/c I felt it could've been better within the context of the whole poem:

"You're a cold heartless girl."


I enjoyed this.

this is a good poem, though i think this belongs in lyric poetry.

anyhoo, i cant crtisize the point of the poem, its a good universal idea and there aint nothin wrong with thqt , but i am going to say that i found the poem a little flat and the way that you decided to portray the theme was not very original. what im trying to say is that the theme and the poem are airtight, i just have a hard time stomaching agnsty lyric poetry. and thats my fault, not yours for writing it.

keep up the good fight sir.

I really liked this, simple, to the point, my favorite kind. However, sometimes your rhythm got thrown off, like when you said "Of your hatred it is full. " It doesn't flow like the rest of the poem, though I'm not sure how you'd fix it... the rhyme here: The pain shall never dull; Into a void we shall fall. " Was a bit awkward, dull and fall...hmm, not sure. But overall, I thought it was really good. A nice, flowing, emotional peice. Well done!

sounds to me like someones done you wrong...


good work. and i agree that it is more of a lyrical poetry peice.