Waiting.

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I see the scraps of morning
Gently amble over-head,
The farm-cat fiercely yawning
Stretching,
Scratching on my bed.
All about,
The air is thick with
Light anticipation
As i slip into my dress and hat
And hurry to the station.
They poor from doors
Like green-ish bugs, as the
Platform fills with shouts.
I go up on my tip toes
To search his movements out.
He's there,
I know it,
I am sure -
I'd dreamt it up last night.
He'd spill out with them
From the train
Returning from the fight.
But as the beetles drain away
He simply won't appear
So i go on home,
'another day'
i think
'he will be here'.
The darkness follows,
Folds the sky
I slip into the house
And in my head,
That muffled truth
Lies quiet
as
a mouse.
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
-- George Carlin




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Points 890
Reviews 49
wow. that was truly amazing. ok, so at first when i read a couple lines i though, uh oh, this is terrible rhyming. by the end i was all, "oh who cares! that was amazing and if she changed the rhyming at all it would mess everything up!" so bravo. i loved the-

He's there,

I know it,

I am sure -

and the-

Lies quiet

as

a mouse.

very nice, adds a good touch. i would basicly say never stop you are a really good writer with lots of potential.
"It is a dull mind that can think of only one way to spell a word."




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 19
Wow this was a great poem, very powerful. I love the structure of it as well as the vivid imagery. Combining the two elements all but accentuates the the words and the poem all together as a whole =) very nice. You're very talented. I enjoyed this poem a lot.
"When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertienence."
~Thomas W. Higginson



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind