Hope

Hope



Wall to wall,
Trapped inside a cage!
There you will find me.
A captive of a thing called life!
Seek me out.
Tell me why.
How can it be?
Life has turned against me!

Wall to wall;
There you will find my spirits in shackles!
why has life turned against me?
What is this light,
That sets me free?
The key to the bondage of life!
It's a thing called hope!
It knows no sorrow!

Wall to wall!
That's where I was!
Now I'm free!
The voice of truth
Tells me that I am not alone!
I see the heavens open up!
The sun shines down!
My shackles lay at my feet!

Wall to wall!
There you cannot find me!
Hope has freed me!

just to let you know, there is a song by Chris Brown called Wall To Wall, so, yeah.

i liked this, though i'm not sure that the repetition of Wall To Wall would be particularly good in a song....

do you have a tune for it yet? if so, is the phrase wall to wall different each time?

because it would make a difference.


-GC10

First up, I think you don't need so many exclamation marks. There are ways to show excitement without 'em.

There you will my spirit in shackles.

You left out a verb. And agin, you could try getting rid of the !

why has life turned against me?

Forgot the cap there.

What is this light?
That sets me free?

Both of those are the same question, so you need one mark after 'free.' Again here:

The voice of truth! Tells me that I am not alone!

Hope my nitpicking helps, bro.

Ygaron wrote:Wall to wall,
Trapped inside a cage!
There you will find me.
A captive of a thing called life!
Seek me out.
Tell me why.
How can it be?
Life has turned against me!

This is a good opening =] I dont like the exclamation marks either, just get rid of them. It makes it sound like a kind of joke rather than a serious sad sort of thing.

Ygaron wrote:Wall to wall;
There you will find my spirits in shackles!
why has life turned against me?
What is this light,
That sets me free?
The key to the bondage of life!
It's a thing called hope!
It knows no sorrow!

! again.
Capital W on why.

Ygaron wrote:Wall to wall!
That's where I was!
Now I'm free!
The voice of truth
Tells me that I am not alone!
I see the heavens open up!
The sun shines down!
My shackles lay at my feet!

I don't think I get the repetition of "wall to wall" - it doesn't seem to make much sense in this poem. Wall to wall, that's where I was...wall to wall where?
I like the last part of this though, the image of light coming down to free someone is nice.

Ygaron wrote:Wall to wall!
There you cannot find me!
Hope has freed me!

Nice ending.

I think if you fixed your punctuation this would be a nice simple poem. I like how you show hope as a light, that's a good way to describe it.

Like the people before me said, not as many exclaimation points. Other than that, everyone got everything and I liked it.

That was really good. I would definitely listen to this song if it were on the radio.