snow

The gentle snow
twisting gracefully like a ballerina
comes to land
to rest on a hard bed of stone

Hello and Welcome to YWS! Please take a moment to look over the Rules & Guidelines.

Now to the poem:

Punctuation is your friend, and other than the first capitalized letter there is none in this poem.

It's short. Which is fine for haiku's....but this is not a haiku. If poems are meant to fit into a certain form (couplets, quatrains, haikus) then short length is meant to be. However, if it is just a freeverse, then having a fourlined poem is really unattractive only because there isn't enough room in four lines to convey a point or a meaning--which is what poetry is all about.

Hope this helped,
V

WELCOME!

This is interesting, but it really is too short to write an entire critique about.

Still, I'll mention one thing--

"comes to land
to rest "
The repetition of to (without punctuation even!) in the same line distracted me.

PM (private message) me if you need help on anything!

My friend, its not so bad. Perfect for a haiku if you fix it up a bit. But it is a regular poem that needs to be longer.

I love the ballerina part. It is very vice and descriptive.

Hi,
This poem was very short. I liked it though. I liked the way you described it. You could write more to it, make it longer. You could do so much more. You can describe snow a million different ways. Have fun with this. Also, watch out for punctuation.

-steph

the way you describe the snowfall is wonderful- there's just no form to it.

i dont mind no punctuation, but capital letters at the start of each new line would be a good idea.

if you could just put it in an actual form or something, i think this would be really amazing.

-Kiki

to rest on a hard bed of stone[/quote]
I really like the image of the snow falling and a stone bed.

Well, I like the image, but it is really short, I think you could expand on this. The simplicity of it makes it very unique, I like your style in that respects, but i still feel you havent reached full potential on this.

Two more simple stanzas like this could really perfect this, maybe somethind about th snows purity, or the sunrise/set/light, Hey its yours, so go with whatever best suits you. If your really into short poems go with what they're saying, you know the whole haiku thing going:D:D

But other than that I thought the description was well done, the ballerina part was very well thought, gave exelent imagery, and I am like obsessed with imagery :D:P

All in all I really liked it, very light, but very well communicated, you made a simple idea an artwork

Keep it up, and ill try and keep an eye out for your stuff

:P:D:D

lucyy :D