The Wind and The Raven

Call to the wind, blowing o're the endless moor.
Call to the wind, that fickle wind, which never answers back.
See the bird of wisdom soar,
the sun gleaming off it's ebony plumage.
See it ride the wanton wind, claiming it's mastery.
The elegance of it's velvet splendor, dark as night,
Stands witness to the creative bounty of Nature's self.
Of Gaea, ever gracious, ever harsh.
So call to the wind, wise bird.
Call to it, and it will answer.

Wow! This poem certainly caught me with its imagery, it's a very beautiful poem My favourite part would definitely have to be "that fickle wind". Kind of reminds me of some trumpet/temptress. Below are just a few grammatical mistakes I found:

Call to the wind, blowing o'er the endless moor.

Call to the wind, that fickle wind, which never answers back. I think you can rid yourself of that second comma.

the sun gleaming off it's ebony plumage. It's 'its' not it's here. Same for the next line, and the one after. Also, there's too many its. Perhaps take out the middle one and replace it with something else.

See it ride the wanton wind, claiming it's mastery.

The elegance of it's velvet splendor, dark as night, the words "dark as night" don't really fit in with everything else here.

Ehh...I intend no offense with this statement, but I never really like pieces like this, the ones that're kind of written with medieval airs, even though it's the twenty-first century...but that's just my opinion. The writing can be strained when someone tries it.

I think it's evident here in a good many of the words, like your use of "o'er," "fickle," "plumage," "wanton," "splendor," and "bounty." Yeah, the word's've been used by the greats, all those old poets and stuff...but again, it's the twenty-first century, and you don't have much else to your poem besides these images of the wind and raven.

In addition, the characters of the wind and raven are a little unclear. So the raven, having "velvet plumage," is black? Not particularly unique. Why is it a raven; why not a seagull? Have you been reading too much Poe? How is the raven wise; is it personable and well-spoken, or nasty and secretive like an old hermit?
And the character of the wind confuses me. You describe it as "fickle," "wanton," "creative," "gracious," and "harsh." To just outright say these things isn't particularly enjoyable to the reader; you need to show these traits instead of tell them, and straighten out in your head which of them is the most prominent trait of the wind, which one you want it to be, and then say it in as few, good words as you possibly can. The wind seems temperamental, in in that case, you could cut out all those adjetives and just describe it as such.

Oh, and as a last bit...I think "Gaea" is spelled "Gaia."

This is my first review on the site. I'm trying to get a feel for what's on here and your poem's title caught my eye. Hopefully I can write something useful rather than just offerin an opinion.
My first comment is that the poem itself is very general. Of course this may have been intentional but it leaves little clarity in what the poem is attempting to convey. I don't see the relavance of 'the creative bounty of Nature's self' - is this the wind? The line 'Of Gaea, ever gracious, ever harsh' acts to portray the differing sides of nature but how is this a reason for the raven to call to the wind as this is what is suggested by the connective 'so'.
However, I think that the imagery of the poem is some places is very effective. The beginning two lines, especially with the repetition, conjur the idea of wind rushing over a desolate landscape - the idea given being that you could call out and no-one would answer, noteven te wind which is the only other presence. Also, I like the character the wind and how it is personified. By describing the wind as fickle and wanton we view the wind as wild and selfish. Like a wild creature that is then tamed by the raven. I think that Qultur contadicts his/herself by critising your use of several contrasting adjectives and then later that these words could be cut out and replaced with 'tempermental'. Surely this mixture of description is what creates the tempermental nature of the wind? However, I agree that is would be better to display these traits rather than say them straight.
I think it would also be wise to incorporate more the idea that the raven is wise seeing as you name it as 'wise bird'. This wisdom again has little relevance within the poem. In fct, the image presented is one of a noble and mighty character. 'Velvet' and 'ebony' convey wealth as well as the fine appearance of this bird. Its dominance is displayed through its mastery and the fact that it 'stands witness' to the wind, and also by the fact that it alone will receive an answer.
I think that there are some really good ideas here and I enjoyed reaing it. Hopefully my comments have been helpful.

Wow. That was a nice poem.



I liked the imagery in it. And your good descriptive skills.



Happy Writing.