The Chasm Choice

I stand on the brink.
The chasm before me.
It's darkness creeping forward.
A choice must be made, a decision given.
Do I jump or do I stay?
If I stay, I know the outcome.
I'll stay in my own little world.
Predictable and safe.
But if I jump, I go not knowing
What lies beyond the darkness.
Anything could happen, if I jump into the void.
Who knows what lies ahead?
The question remains: To jump or stay.
The Unknown, or what's Safe.
Which will win?
I make my choice, I take a breathe.
Then I take the plunge.
Who knows what lies at the other end.

Hmm...I believe you've a classic case of DWS, Distraught Writer's Syndrome.

The reason I say this is because I've written things similiar to this piece before, and they were during times that I was stressing over something that happened or whatnot. The thing is, and I hate to say this because it will inevitably make you feel at least a little downcast, but the thing is that what you've written is more a monologue of your thoughts rather than poetry.

I say this mostly because there's no imagery, and you repeat the idea of the theme of the known and the unknown. (which can be slightly cliche, as it's a common truth to growing up, adolescence and all that) So, it seems like you, as a person, are really caught up in some kinda real-life decision involving something or someone you can see like the back of your hand, and something you don't so much.

Poetry is a craft of the mind; maybe you should deal with whatever's bothering you before you focus on writing, which pales in comparison as a simple hobby to one's life?

I really like the idea that you presented in this poem, a sort of 'I took the one less travelled by' is it not? I'll agree with the previous reviewer that it is a bit repetitive, but sometimes repetitive is needed in poetry (and in life).

Here's a few changes I would have made:


I stand on the brink. Remove the . and replace with a .

The chasm before me. A dramatic pause needs to be noted either on this line or the next.

It's darkness creeping forward.


If I stay, I know the outcome. "If I stay," Just doesn't sound right to me, perhaps just "Staying," ?


But if I jump, I go not knowing Perhaps "If I jump I go, not knowing" ?


I make my choice, I take a breathe. "Making my choice, I take a breath."

this poem is really great i like what you are trying to say here the beginning:

A choice must be made, a decision given.
Do I jump or do I stay?

it made me think of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost
but anyway...on to the critique
i like the darkness and safety thing going on in this poem. it kinda makes me think of Heaven and Hell. a poem like this that can mean so many different things and still make sense is amazingly great. i think that you have a real gift for poetry and i really don't have anything to critique for this poem. but please pm me if you post any new poems