Life

life is something you get once
so live it to the fullest
everyday as your last
some hate it, but there's n reason to
take life an live it
don't regret it

Tweetygurl328 wrote:life is something you get once
so live it to the fullest
everyday as your last
some hate it, but there's n reason to I believe you meant "no" here
take life an live it I believe you meant "and" here
don't regret it

This to me felt like something you just threw together in attepmt to sound poetic and philosophical, however it sounds a little like something you would read in a greeting card. I don't mean to be so harsh however that is sort of how I see this.

Try to create a picture with your words, create a feeling within us, don't preach about how wonderful life is. As a reader I want to know what makes life so wonderful. Is it because the sun is shining and the birds are singing? Or because there is a rainbow out? Why is life wonderful?


Hope this helped.

OverEasy

Hello! Welcome to YWS.
Firstly, a rule we have, of keeping your review to post ratio 2:1 which is two reviews to every post of your own work you make. Any other rules are in the rules and guidelines forum.

Now for the review.
I have to agree with OverEasy. To me this sounded like a bunch of cliche sayings put together because you thought each had meaning. The true meaning is in your own words and here you need more description and figurative language to make it a little less bland. Try to use some metaphors or similies and just fill it up a tad and then later smooth it out so it all flows well. The meaning of course has potential, but right now it's really just a base for what it could be. Hope this helped!

If you have any questions or need help with anything PM me.

Happy editing!
~Rieda

Hello there!! I see OverEasy has pretty much summed up what I wanted to say. However I have to say you have a good base to this and great ideas on how we should see life. You just need to put it in a more convincing way. A way that will make the reader really 'experience' what you mean. Imagery is a great way to achieve this. And try to keep your poems unique. Explore new ways of conveying your message. Remember this: SHOW, DON'T TELL.

Hope this helped!
-Mizz