Through the pain {part two}

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Last edited by Juniper on Tue Jun 23, 2009 5:54 am, edited 1 time in total.




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What happens!?!?!?!?!?! I can't wait to find out what happens! :o
You have me completely hooked so take a bow, that was very good.
Just a few things...

"Oh, right. Yeah, I will try in about an hour or so."


This sounds odd to me, I don't even know why. I think it might be the 'try', I'm not sure. You are the author anyway so what do I know? :?


"About yourself, you were! And if you weren't talking about you, you're talking about your clone that is exactly like you!"


I don't like that "you were" this once again sounds odd to me. Sorry...this just doesn't sound like the right tense or maybe the right grammar or something... :?
I like the second part of this sentence! Its funny :lol: You shouldn't start it with "And" though, its one of those golden rules. :wink:

I tried grabbing at the bushes and plants that dotted the hill, but I ended up taking them with me. I tumbled down, faster and faster towards the road, frantically trying to stop myself. The bushes scratched at my arms and tore at my face, leaving ugly marks on my once near perfect face. I rolled right off of the base of the hill and landed face down on the road. The fall had drained me of all energy to follow my instincts and flee. I raised my head from the ground, and saw a few cars swerve and beep their horns wildly, but one pickup truck was headed straight towards. The last thing I remember was a scream, a horn and the crushing sounds of metal.


I like the imagery here! The only thing I might suggest is that when you say "near perfect face" since you already used face you might want to use 'complexion'


Okay, other then that, I love it!!!! I still can't wait to find out what happens. Please hurry to post what happens next! :D

-Your devoted reader
It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in the body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.-------Ian O'Shea




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WHAT?? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?? I would like to know what happens! You can’t just leave us hanging like that!!!!!

Or maybe you can…

-lol- :D :D :D

As you probably already guess, I immensely enjoyed your next addition to your story. And I totally understand Luke and Julia’s anger towards each other. Being stuck with one person over time and grow tiresome and irritating. I bet they are just sick of one another.

Anyway, you have to promise to PM me when you post more of this. I really do enjoy it!
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach



If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb