To watch over you

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Ed: Hey, Che!
What’sa matter with you?
Why a grim face on a day like this,
When the world’s so crisp, the sky’s so blue?
Hey! I’m talking to you!
Well? Isn’t the sky blue?

Che: It is, It is…..

Brad: So what’s up?
Something eating at you Che?
Let us wipe those starry eyes,
Come out and play!

Nick: Listen to your brother friend,
Why you sad when you’ve got us?
We’re the kings of god damn Globe Street,
So what’s with all the fuss?

Ed: Can’t think of anyone richer,
One guy with his very own crew.
Just like angels flank the innocent
We’re here to watch over you!

Nick: So you’ve seen something nasty,
Haven’t we all!
Take it from us, the higher your heart rises,
The harder your conscience falls!

Che: Jesus Christ, Guys!
Leave me be, please
At least for today?

Brad: Don’t take that tone with us,
When we talk, you listen!
That’s what you do, okay?

Ed: Whoa, boys, things with us are grand,
Things with us are swell.
There’s the door, Che my friend,
Feel free to run and tell!

Brad: Worried we’re gonna sell you out,
Scared we’re gonna ‘get you too?’

Nick: Frightened that lovely face of yours’
Is gonna get beaten black and blue?’

Che: I wouldn’t put it past you lot,
Enough! Back off! I mean it Ed,
I swear!
You think I won’t do it,
To hell if I care!

Ed: Calm it, you don’t need to make threats,
You’re with loved ones, your crew!
Just like angels flank the innocent,
We’re here to watch over you!
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




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Yay! Another song! I was going to critique this last night, but I was too tired. But, here I am!

I wonder if some of this, particularly Che's bit, isn't speaking. If it is, you need to tell us that so we don't get confused.

I felt a lot of this had a rhythm, but there were some bits that stopped me.

Brad: So what’s up?
Something eating at you Che?
Let us wipe those starry eyes,
Come out and play!


I just couldn't get a tune in this verse. Is it supposed to be spoken? I don't get the feeling that it is, but I can't sing it.

There were a couple more places like that, but the one above was the main one that made me sit there thinking, 'This really doesn't work'.

I liked the last line, and this is a pretty sweet song.

Let me know when you post another!
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*



May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year