Living a Lie

Living a lIe

Too long have I lived this lie,
this lie I say is 'me'
Too long have I played along,
afraid of what other's might think.
Here and now, I declare myself free,
from the limits that bond me.
No longer will I hide behlnd this mask,
Veilng the real me.
No longer will I sit in the shadow,
and let someone else live my life.
For the first time,
I'm proud to introduce Me.
The real me, not the cookie cutter.
Well, hope you like it,
if you don't, too bad.
cause Im done pretending,
I'm done being fake,
I'm done being something I'm not.
I'm a writer, a friend, a reader, a dork,
and I'm fine with that.

I was in an angty mood(at 2am) when I wrote this, but I kinda like it. It's definitly not perfect, so feel free to rip it to shreads. Thanks for reading!!!!!

Hi jenni. I'd first like to say that you have a nice idea here, but it has been done before. So what you need to do is make the idea unique. What I suggest is to use less generalities such as:

"Too long have I played along,
afraid of what other's might think"

This line is just one example of why your poem falls a bit flat. There is nothing behind these words for the reader to grasp onto. You need to give us an image, a story perhaps that describes what this sentence means. How have you played along? Who were you playing along with? What happened that made you no longer want to play along?

If you can answer those questions and create something visual (use other senses too!) instead of so abstract, you'll find people attracted to the message a bit better. Be less broad, get more specific and I think you'll find things will turn out more vivid, and hence, better for the reader.

I always respect someone who says, "be brutal," definitely a sign of maturity and good intent nice to see.

Firstly, it's always good to make absolutely sure your grammar's up to scratch before you post a piece of work: grammatical mistakes are just one of those things that makes people wince when they read, never a good response! For example, "other's" shouldn't have an apostrophe in it, "bond" should probably be "bind", "Im" does need an apostrophe. A quick proof-read through before you post should pick these up, just a courtesy to your readers!

Now, onto your subject matter. I have to say I agree with Tri on this one: what you're trying to get across here is just to broad, too much. Identity is a hugely important subject, and one which will strike a chord with many of your readers, but because you're trying to take the whole huge matter in one chunk, we don't get anything we can really get our teeth into. Try taking on aspect of identity, such as a person you struggle to be yourself with, or a situation where you felt like you were truly honest about your personality for the first time: these specifics will allow you to bring in much more detail, use your language better, really use imagery to draw us into a story you're telling. Get down and dirty with the detail, m'dear, and it'll reward you with a much better poem!

Apart from that, not a lot to say! A really good effort here, especially for a 2a.m. poem - keep it up, I hope to see you around again.

Well putting the grammar aside i think is very nice poem i don't think is overloaded or that it has too much information in the other it transmit very well the feeling that it suppose to transmit, i also think is very understandable and easy to read.

Its a really great poem. Doesn't go too deep into emotion, but gets the point across. I think if you showed this poem to someone, they'd definately understand what you were trying to say. Good Job!