Love is like the wind

This is my first attempted at a story, so I'm just warning you, it might be a bit pathetic. And this prolouge is short, but it's kind of like an introduction. I hope you like it!

[i]"Love is like the wind darling, only those who feel it can see it. I know you can see I love you, and that your mother loved you too. It's that feeling you get when you look at the person you love. When I look at you, I'm reminded of the wind. Free spirited and ever-changing. When I saw your mother I was reminded of warm summer nights and the stars, beautiful and mysterious, I see the night sky now Leliel. Goodnight, I love you."
Then father died. He left with a simple smile. Not a sad smile, like he was excepting that he had to die, and didn't want to. No, he died knowing his daughter was free, and no longer had to care for him. He died knowing he would be able to watch his daughter forever, and protect her. He died knowing he would see mother again, his true love.
What he didn't know was that his daughter never ever disliked taking care of him. He didn't know that she felt responsible for his death. He didn't know that she would dedicate her life to saving others, so they wouldn't have to feel the same pain she did.
Only one person ever died in my care. That was my father.

oops, I meant for the story to be in italics, so just ignore the little [i] I had some issues with the computer!

Hi, there! First of all I'd like to say that this piece had a really sweet, sad and simple feel to it with beautiful imagery. A perfect bit for a prologue, and it left me wanting more!

That being said, you do have a few problems with punctuation, capitalization, etc.

NITPICKS

"Love is like the wind darling, only those who feel it can see it. I know you can see I love you, and that your mother loved you too.

You need a comma after "wind" as in: "love is like the wind, darling" Then I would put a semi-colon, a dash or an ellipse after darling. "Love is like the wind, darling...only those who feel it can see it." Or something like that.

Also, even if you feel wind, you still can't see it, so your whole sentence logic is faulty. It is true that only those who feel wind know it's there, but even if you're feeling wind you can't see it. I love wind; it's exhilarating and fresh and blows the cobwebs out of your mind, helps you see clearly and gives you a nice hairdo, so maybe you can keep the idea of "love being like the wind," just in a different way. I don't know, just some thoughts.

Oh, I love the subtle way you worked in the fact that her mother was dead...just that tiny little past-tense "loved" and we already know a big fact about the MC.

When I saw your mother I was reminded of warm summer nights and the stars, beautiful and mysterious, I see the night sky now Leliel.

Urgh, it's beautiful until the abrupt "I see the night sky now Leliel," which kind of ruins the effect. You need to make a full stop after "beautiful and mysterious," then draw a connection between that sentence and the next one. Oh, here's an idea: After he describes Leliel being like the wind, he can stop for a second, look out the window and say: "look at the warm summer night - the stars are beautiful and mysterious, just like your mother used to be." That's obviously a crapfest sentence, but you get the picture.

"Goodnight, I love you."

Aw...but too abrupt. After his long meanderings about her and her mother and the nature of love, he needs to pause and meditate for a moment before saying "I love you" and leave out the "goodnight." So have him pause a little before going on to close the conversation.

Then father died. He left with a simple smile. Not a sad smile, like he was excepting that he had to die, and didn't want to. No, he died knowing his daughter was free, and no longer had to care for him. He died knowing he would be able to watch his daughter forever, and protect her. He died knowing he would see mother again, his true love.

I've highlighted the words you repeated a lot in this paragraph. (except for "he died knowing" - that's for impact and you did it on purpose.) It's a nice paragraph, just a little awkward in spots.

excepting = accepting
(you used the wrong one)

What he didn't know was that his daughter never ever disliked taking care of him. He didn't know that she felt responsible for his death. He didn't know that she would dedicate her life to saving others, so they wouldn't have to feel the same pain she did.

Okay, it was kind of weird during this whole paragraph - you're in third person: her, his daughter, she, etc. Then in the next paragraph you abruptly switch to first person: I, me, mine, etc. It was a little awkward and unexpected.

Only one person ever died in my care. That was my father.

This is a GREAT quote and an amazing ending/beginning line. I think it would be a great idea to start the whole prologue with this line. "Only one person ever died in my care. That was my father."
Then you could describe the scene a little bit: "It was late one summer night when it happened - Father was lying in his bed, plaid covers pulled up under his chin despite the warm temperature. I'd thought he was asleep at first, until he started speaking, his voice cracked with age and sickness." Then have him go into his speech. Or whatever...i'm just making it up as I go along.

Anyway, these are all just ideas, and you can feel free to take them or leave them as you wish.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

It was a little off-putting when you started the whole thing with a big paragraph of dialogue. When you start a story with dialogue, you should use something short that will BANG the reader and GRAB their attention. Then you need to let us know WHO is saying it to WHOM, and WHY he is saying it to that person. Then you can continue with the quote.
For example:

INCORRECT

"True love is like wind. It goes to and fro on the earth, never stopping and never yielding, just going around and around, over and under and between and on top of, but never stopping."

CORRECT

"True love is like the wind," my father always used to say. He'd laugh, and blow a curl out of my hair with his warm, sweet breath as he sanded at a block of soft wood. "It goes to and fro on the earth, never stopping and never yielding, just going around and around, over and under and between and on top of, but never stopping."

I was making that up as I went along so obviously it's ridiculous, but you get the picture.

Anyway, you have a very sweet writing style and I really liked the idea for this piece. I know I wrote a lot and that might look intimidating, but really most if it is just me meandering on and on about nothing. Ask anybody here, I do that a lot. (you should avoid me at parties; I talk a lot )

Feel free to PM me with any questions about this piece, and if you don't mind...could you pm me when you post the first chapter? I'd really like to keep reading.

Au revoir,
MademoiselleKool

This was lovely. It was touching and sweet and delicate and definitely not OTT. And, and... Although it was short, it hit the right notes, and I think any more would have trailed it out too much, drained it.
All errors have been pointed out already. There is just one thing I think you ought to consider:

What he didn't know was that his daughter never ever disliked taking care of him.

I don't think the 'never ever' sounds good. It's a bit childish and, personally, I think it detracts from the work. Apart from that, superb!

I love you Rhiine, and your writing!!! Very good, and I adore that prologue. "Love is like the wind..." I totally understand it (well, duh, I was there when you wrote it and you went on a 5 hour spiel about it. ))) Best of luck in your writing! Message me when you have added another chapter, luvvie!

Thank you very much for your crits everyone! They're very helpful! I'll work on possibly rewriting the prologue, but then again I may move on to the next chapter, we'll see.