The Vampire

The Vampire

He accidentally cut his hand,
it bled.
Oozing from his hand,
dripping on the floor.
I watched it fall,
every drop
sounding different
from the last.
I wanted it,
I wanted to taste his
sweet succulent
Blood. I put his hand
to my lips and
Sucked and drank.
Greedily, hungrily.
He looked at me,
surprised, disgusted
at my actions. Stopping
I pulled him close,
kissed his beautiful lips,
then bit his neck
taking every last drop. Finally
satisfied I left him there
dry, empty
Dead.

hey its great!
i uh.... i am not a teacher and cant really tell about your mistakes because i didn't find any i thought like i was watching a video of rock music! it was really great i like it!
It is a mixture of a little seduction and mischief with sprinkled horror!
Its a great composition!
Keep up with your imagination!

That was really creepy! It was so creepy that it was really good! Maybe you could add why you kissed the person though. Was it love or a distraction?

the kiss was more lust than anything.

I liked the idea behind this, it was interesting.

The first two complete phrases ended with the same word. You might want to find another word to use instead.

Samsal wrote:He accidentally cut his hand,
it bled.
Oozing from his hand,
dripping on the floor.

The capitals aren't consistant throughout the poem, some lines will start with a capital and some won't. The structure is interesting, and as I said I liked this poem but it would look more professional if you started every with a capital, or you started every line (not the beginning of a sentence) with lowercase.