Hogan's Pond

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“God, you make me wish I was an only child!” That was the last thing Gerard said to Sammy. They had been swimming with some of the neighbor kids that afternoon. Gerard had been feeling sick all afternoon. So, when all the other kids had gone home he wanted to go home too. But Sammy loved to swim and he refused to get out of the water. Finally, Gerard dried off and demanded that his little brother do the same. But what kind of little brother would he be if he did as he was told all the time? Gerard glared at a bottle cap at his feet. Frustrated and on the verge of vomiting chili dog right there where he stood, he yelled as cruelly as he could, saying thing the first thing that came to mind. No sooner had he said it, did the splashing stop… The pond was all but still accept for some subtle ripples emanating from where Sammy had been a moment earlier. At first, Gerard thought it was a joke. But after his brother didn’t rise to the surface, he quickly jumped in… but to his eternal dismay, he couldn’t find his brother. During the following weeks the police would not find his brother either. A funeral would come and go but Gerard just couldn’t shake the feeling that his brother was still alive somewhere. More time passed. Gerard’s father would take extra shifts at work just to avoid coming home. His mother would sit in Sammy’s room whimpering at all hours of the day and night. Three months passed slowly… like a cold winter that would never end. People avoided Gerard at school. It was like he was diseased. They probably just didn’t know what to say. Six months passed and it seemed like it had been an eternity since he had seen his brother. His grades were steadily spiraling downward. Not that anyone cared. That day, he would return to Hogan’s Pond, wishing for a second chance. But he didn’t, for one instant, think he would get one.
He sat, hopeless and downhearted staring into the murky water. No one came here anymore. There were too many horror stories about the kid who drowned here. Some even said that Gerard was the one who drowned him. With that thought his eyes clouded with tears. “Damn it all!” He thought to himself. “I may as well have. He was just a little kid and I left him in the water by himself.” His Mom and Dad would never say so, but he knew they blamed him too.
“I’d do anything to get you back.” He whispered aloud.
At that, he heard a slight splash. “Probably a fish.” He thought. But his heart was pounding in his ears and he was holding his breath scanning the surface of the pond for any signs of movement. He finally exhaled and told himself he was stupid for hoping. His brother was dead and gone. Probably pulled down by an alligator or bitten by a water snake. He was probably somewhere beneath the mud at the bottom of the pond if he wasn’t fish food. The sooner he accepted this the better. He turned to walk away. But before he could, there was another splash. It was a much bigger one this time. He spun around and looked back to see ripples in the exact same spot he had last seen his brother. That would have had to have been a pretty good sized fish! He stepped cautiously closer to the bank. Again, a splash! But this time he saw what looked like a small boy’s hand brush the surface of the water. He gasped in horror. He didn’t care if he was crazy. He dove in and swam like an Olympic athlete to the center of the pond where he saw the splash. He arrived to find nothing there so he took a deep breath and plunged head first down, down, further still. He felt something slimy brush his cheek. Though startled, he kept pushing onward down deeper into the cold, muddy darkness. Nothing. His chest burned and when he couldn’t hold his breath any more, he turned around and started kicking for the surface. He searched for the light of day, which should have been shimmering downward but he couldn’t see it. He kicked harder and began slowly letting the air seep out of his lungs. Suddenly his head hit something hard. It was the bottom of the pond! In the murkiness he had become disoriented. He pushed his feet against the bottom and shoved hard. Panicking, he sucked in a mouthful of mossy water. This must have been how his brother had felt. His muscles were now running on pure adrenalin and he knew that if he didn’t reach the surface soon, he would be done for. Just then he broke the surface and took in lungs-full of air that he had never appreciated so much before. He just floated on his back for a moment, letting the oxygen penetrate his body. He felt it filling his limbs once more, giving him life. He stroked backwards and heaved himself up onto the shore. Then he realized that it was almost pitch black outside. Had the sun set that quickly? He looked up to find that he was inside some kind of underground cave. Was this what happened to Sam? Maybe his brother was alive after all and he had just been stuck in here this whole time.
“Sammy?” He called into the cavern. But only an echo of his own voice replied. He called out his brother’s name over and over again. But finally just sat down on the bank and sank his face into his arms. He stared intently at the muddy earth at his feet. His cloths were soaked and he was beginning to feel the cold penetrating his flesh.




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Was this intended as a storybook or is it the start of a piece of fiction that you've written and would like critiques on? If it's the latter then pm me or reply here and I'll move it to the right section for you. This might seem like a stupid question but non RPG storybooks are quite rare on this site.

But if you intended it as a storybook, you might want to insert lines between paragraphs to make it easier to read and I'm certainly interested in participating.

I'd appreciate it if you get in touch, just to confirm the nature of the piece. Sorry about the misunderstanding xx
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




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Gerard shivered and he began to cry, rubbing the tears away fiercely with his fists as he crawled to his feet and stumbled about the cavern. His legs felt stiff with the cold and their weariness, like two rusted iron rods that refused to bend but he pushed himself onwards, pacing right to the back of the cavern, knowing that he had to keep moving or he'd freeze to death. He tried to think of what his parents would do and of what his little brother would have done before him but he could think of nothing. Was you here, Sam? Gerard wondered and he called out his brother's name again because he had to believe that Sammy had been here and that Sammy might be alright.

Icicles hanging from the roof of the cavern dripped onto Gerard's forehead and he was cold and he was wet and he didn't know what to do. Gerard, who had a little experience of camping in the woods with his father, wondered if there might be some wood in a place like this but even if there were, he didn't have any matches and he had no dry grass or leaves to use to get the fire started. And he had to find out what happened to his brother before he left.

"Sam?" he called loudly. "Sammy, can you hear me?" his voice grew weaker. "Sammy?" Gerard whimpered, coming to a halt and leaning heavily against the cavern wall. It was no use. He realised that he should probably get back in the water and try to find his way back out of here but he was cold and tired and he might not find this place again if he left. What if he left and Sammy were here, somewhere deeper in the cavern and he never found this place again and never found Sammy.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




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He stopped and tried to think rationally. It wasn't pitch black in the cavern so there must be a light source somewhere. He scanned his surroundings for a crevice or hole that might be a way out. But he found nothing. It was like the light was coming off the walls themselves. He thought about his Mom and Dad having to look for him. They'd never find him here. Not that he thought they would really care much.

His sixteenth Birthday came and went without a word last week. All the pain his family had been through for the last six months had overshadowed everything. He couldn't help feeling like he deserved to be stuck there and the only thing he could do to really make good use of his time was to look for some sign that Sam had been there.

As he walked deeper, toward the back of the cavern, he caught a glint of something shiny on a flat rock against the wall. He rushed over to find a tiny silver chain with a whistle hanging on it. Sam was here!

God! Gerard had never been so happy to see that stupid whistle. It was like Sam left it here on purpose for him to find.

"He wants me to find him." Gerard whispered. "Then that's what I'm going to do." He took a closer look at the rock he had found the whistle on. It was perfectly flat and perfectly square. In fact it was too symmetrical not to have been carved by someone or something. On the surface, though it could barely be made out, was an arrow scratched into the stone.

"Smart little twerp." Gerard thought. He stood at the edge of the table and followed the direction of the arrow. There was a narrow opening in the cavern wall so he hunched over and started to walk through. It was substantially darker in the tunnel which was getting deeper and more cramped the further he went.

Soon he was crawling on his hands and knees. He tried to stifle the panic creeping up in his throat. Now he had to lay on his stomach and army crawl. He tried not to think of how hard it would be to crawl backwards out of this thing. What if his little brother had gotten stuck in this thing?

It was too cramped to move now. Gerard stretched his arms out in front of him and tried to pull himself forward until he couldn't move forward and he couldn't move back. He gave in to the panic. He struggled in his muddy prison screaming and moaning and hyperventilating. Every time he inhaled the tunnel seemed to squeeze tighter. There was no pride or dignity left.

"Help ME!!!" He screamed into the thick darkness.

"Do you really want me to help you?" The darkness hissed back in an oddly sultry feminine voice.

Gerard knew that he had probably snapped and lost his mind. He knew he couldn't really be hearing this, but he couldn't help, in all his desperation, reaching out hopefully toward the sound of raspy breathing inches away from his fingers.

Slimy fingers gripped his wrist with surprising strength and began pulling him through the tunnel.

Suddenly he found himself falling head first into the daylight. But as his eyes adjusted, he realized that this was not the world he had left behind when he dove into that dirty pond.



NO U
— Carina