Foreigner

How dare you speak of me behind my back
When you don’t know me
How dare you accuse me
When I haven’t done anything
How dare you talk about my “country”
When you don’t even know where I’m from
How dare you stand there
And call me a FOREIGNER?

Yes, I understand what you’re saying
And yes, I will defend myself
No, it’s not a miracle;
I can speak English too.

How dare you tell me to go back home
When you are standing in my home
How dare you talk s***t about my religion
When you don’t even know your own
How dare you make assumptions
When we’ve never spoken a word to each other
And how dare you stand there
And call me a FOREIGNER?

When you rave about my religion
As if you know it
Yes, I laugh at you
And I have every right to.
If you only knew how ridiculous you sound

How dare you talk about hate crimes
While staring right at me
How dare you call me uncivilized
When I was born on this very soil
And how dare you stand there
And call me a FOREIGNER?

When I can’t take it anymore
When I suddenly snap and strike back
You have the grace to look ashamed
But only until I leave the room
Then it starts up again
But worse


How dare you call yourself Canadian
When you don’t know the meaning of multiculturalism
How dare you call me a terrorist
When you are terrorizing me
And how dare you stand there
And call me a FOREIGNER?

You’re right about one thing
I know all about hate crimes
And terrorism
And [/u]racism[/u]
And ignorance

How can I not?

There’s a dent in my car
Where you smashed it with a rock
There’s fear in my heart
When I walk down these halls
You point out to me daily
That I wouldn’t know…because I’m BROWN
And I’m suffocated by uneducated people
In the best school in the city.

Now, who is the terrorist?
Who is the hater?
Who is the racist?
And who is the foreigner?

You hem and you haw
And you nod and you sigh
And you apologize, because you “had no idea”
But at the end of the day
You’re still standing there
Calling me a
FOREIGNER.

Okay, hello!

I can see that this poem is written very passionately, but I'd suggest you don't use those bolds and italics etc. This won't be lacking any emotion even though you'd delete those.

The "foreigner" thing confused me a little, because aren't foreigners only people from different countries. All the YWSers are foreigners to me, because they all live in a different country than me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like them. I can quite understand that you don't like the word, but I think that's only a matter-of-fact thing. Of course, you have all the rights to disagree with me.

I think this is a good piece, at least when talking about feelings, but this could perhaps something else than a poem. I don't know. You could read this out loud and listen if there are any awkward bits due to too long or short lines etc.


See you around,
Demeter xx

Hi! I'm Brooke aka blacktiger. I just introduced myself because I never seen you before on here. Welcome to the young writers society! Great to have you here with us.

This was good, but, yeah, lose the bolds. Let the reader find out what is important, don't throw it all in their face. Well, good luck and best wishes on your future works! Peace

Myself, personally, thought that the bolds and underlining brought out the emotion in this very poem. I can tell that you, or someone you know, have written this from experience. You should continue to write to poems like this one but I do think that you should maybe add in some punctuation at some spots of this poem. Like here in this verse:

When I can’t take it anymore

When I suddenly snap and strike back

You have the grace to look ashamed

But only until I leave the room

Then it starts up again

But worse

Maybe after 'anymore' you should add a comma or a period. Punctuation stuff like that.

Hey all,

Thanks a lot!! I really appreciate it!

Okay, the bold and underline and whatever, I don't know...I thought that yeah, like blackmist_riverfrost said, it kind of brings out the emotion. But since it's the first poem that I've tried to write like that, I really don't know. Maybe I should take them out...?

PUNCTUATION. My one problem when writing poems. Honestly, the reason why there's no punctuation or whatever is not because I think it looks better that way, but, uh...

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO PUT THE PUNCTUATION.

And I'd really appreciate if someone could tell me where exactly to put the punctuation .

Thanks so much, guys!
-Icequeen

Oooh yes and by the way, about the foreigner thing:

See, nowadays, when people say "foreigner", it's as if it's a dirty word. It's as if the only "normal" people are those who are originally Canadian, American, etc.

In my opinion, a foreigner is someone who doesn't "belong" in that country, land, etc.
Calling someone a foreigner when, in fact, they were born in that country, is extremely rude. Especially if it's because of their skin tone, religion, etc.

So yeah. That's my views on the word. Feel free to interpret it however you like

I like the passion to this poem, and how it brings attention to the problems some people are experiencing right now. This poem reminds me of one of my favorite poems, Let America Be America Again by Langston Hughes. Let America Be America Again is another passionate poem about the state of America.

I like the use of bold in the poem, but I think that you could probably get away with using less of it. The problem is that it distracts the reader from your poem, so that they focus on all of the bold instead of the words of the poem. Another thing that distracts the readers is the different methods of emphasis. The bold is one thing, but then you change it so that it goes to italics, underlines, and combinations.

Punctuation is rather easy in a poem, it's just like a regular piece of writing. Although, one thing to keep in mind, is that the punctuation does not affect the ends of lines, and vice versa. Just put the punctuation in at the appropriate spots: commas during pauses, periods at endings, and everything else. But, poetry does need punctuation.

I'm going to do a line by line, to show you how I would put in the punctuation and the emphasis. This doesn't mean that it's what you have to use, just to give you an idea of how to edit it.

How dare you speak of me behind my back, Use of italics for emphasis. This makes this much softer, which means that all of the 'dares' can be emphasized. Comma added here, as the next part can be a clause.

When you don’t know me. Emphasis not needed here, as I think it's strong enough on its own. Period added, because that seems like the end of the subject.

How dare you accuse me, Italics for emphasis again, and a comma added. This part mimics the sentence above.

When I haven’t done anything. The reasons for the sentence before apply here.

How dare you talk about "my country,” Again with the emphasis, and the comma added. Also, I moved the first quotation mark, since I think it works a bit better that way. Up to you if you keep it or not.

When you don’t even know where I’m from. Same as before, because I really don't think that these sentences need the emphasis.

How dare you stand there, Again with the italics and commas.

And call me a foreigner? Finally something different. I, personally, don't like all caps for emphasis, so I changed it to bold. And you already had the ending punctuation.

Do you see what I mean about the emphasis? And how you don't need all of the bold and underlines?

I'm not exactly sure about the punctuation I put in for every other line, if they're meant to be question marks, or not. It's hard to tell with the lines. I think they might be question marks, you can kind of see that when you write it like this: How dare you do this, when you don't know this?

Yes, I understand what you’re saying

And, yes, I will defend myself.

No, it’s not a miracle;

I can speak English, too.
The only punctuation needed was the period at the end of the second line. Also, if you want the emphasis in this stanza, I added where I think the emphasis should go. Read it out loud, and see if you can hear what I mean. The natural emphasis is where I put it, not on the words of the sentence.

Well, I think that's basically it. I could go through the whole thing, but I think it would be a bit pointless. These two stanzas have shown what I'm talking about.

Italics are sleeker ways of emphasis, and you should emphasize at the natural spots, instead of key words. The key words will be noticed with out the emphasis.

The punctuation is simple, but is needed. It just needs a bit of work.

Here's the part of the poem again, without my comments, to show you what I mean:

How dare you speak of me behind my back,

When you don’t know me.

How dare you accuse me,

When I haven’t done anything.

How dare you talk about "my country,”

When you don’t even know where I’m from.

How dare you stand there,

And call me a foreigner?


Yes, I understand what you’re saying

And, yes, I will defend myself.

No, it’s not a miracle;

I can speak English, too.

All in all, if you want to keep the emphasis on the same words, go for it, but at least switch over to only one form of emphasis for the entire thing. Don't go and switch from bold, to italics, to underlines, to bold and italics, back to underlines, and then onto bold and underlines. It definitely distracts the readers. Also, see if you can at least limit the number of times you use all caps, it really doesn't read well.

I love the passion in this piece, but I do agree with the others that you have the passion there, without the heavy emphasis. It's a wonderful poem, that could really speak to people.

Good luck with your poetry!