The Cruel World

Okay, this isn't supposed to rhyme...though I figure you could guess that.. but help me out with this..I don't think it flows well. Feel free to rip it apart.


Freedom.

I want it. Need it.
But where we live
In this cruel world
No one is free

Babies murdered before birth
Homeless families on the streets
Poor countries plagued with disease
No one deserve this

Free to speak their minds
With equal rights
You can't tell me this is just.
There are killers, terrorists, psychopaths
Not behind bars

We are not just physically denied freedoms
Teens can't think for themselves
Tearing each other apart with words
We're told who we are

No one's treated fairly.
They say America has freedom
I'm opposed to that, because
We're heading straight for hell on earth.

Well, I think it flowed nicely. But don't listen to me...I am horrible at critiquing poems. XD

You started of nicely getting right to the point that you really want and need something.

No one's treated fairly.
They say America has freedom
I'm opposed to that, because
We're heading straight for hell on earth.

I thought this was a harsh, but I think that was the kind of effect you wanted.

This poem made me sad

It was nice. Sad, but nice

Paw

P.S. I don't think this should be ripped apart at all. It is fine the way it is! You created it!
:):D

This is a great piece, just, next time, make sure you complete the idea a little bit more. Don't be quite so open-ended.

I was hoping it would be sad, because if you think about it, the topic of world problems is sad! Thanks for the crit though!

Wow, very nice poem. I love the emotion in this poem. It was easy to read and it flowed nicely. Great poem!

Keep writing!

Becca