love is love

Love

Love is love no matter what people say

You can be staight, bi, a lesbian, or gay

All love is the same, whatever religion or race you are

Ignore the people that say things to make you feel like something other than what you are

Some people believe in the perfect christian family

A man and a woman together with a kid or two, but that's something not everbody can be

Love is love, let's celebrate

Love is love, don't discriminate

While I completely love the message you're giving, it doesn't make a great poem.

Have you heard the term "getting up on your soap box"? It means preaching to your audience, basically. While I agree with what you're saying, poetry isn't a soap box. If you have a message to say, don't make it the only thing you say! Tell us a story, make us feel something. This is cute - for a chain letter, but as I said, not for a great poem.

If you wanted to turn this into a great poem, maybe write about someone who is being treated differently for who they love, but let your message (love is love) be underneath the words, don't right out say it.

My biggest suggestion would be to read poetry. The more you read it, the more you'll understand how to put your message underneath the poem. Poetry is about making the reader feel - not only about giving them a message.

Hope this helps! If you have any questions or would like me to explain something in more detail, PM me.

Hmm, I love this message and I think it could be a better poem I disagree with Suzann. (sorry Suz) but I liked both the poem and messgae... but then again that's just me.

-Max

I do agree with Suzanne completely. The thing is, these lines are really the bare bones of a poem. Now is where the fun part begins. Flesh them out. You really do have some interesting concepts raised here, but you need to shift from simply stating them to re-working them into a poem. You have placed this piece of work into the Dramatic Poetry section. I would suggest reading Brad's sticky- What is Dramatic Poetry?

Then I would even suggest that you make this into an event poem. Can you think of a time when someone or something misrepresented with love means to you? That way we as a reader can see what you're trying to say, instead of thinking that you're shouting your message at us.

Good luck,

Eimear

This is flat. It tries to rhyme, but since it has no meter it comes across as forced. Follow the suggestions of the other people who've posted her; they have good advice! In the meantime, a quick copy-edit:

ShadowQueen92 wrote:Ignore the people that say things to make you feel like something other than what you are

It's "people who" not "people that." This whole line is awkward.

Some people believe in the perfect christian family

"Christian" is capitalized.

but that's something not everbody can be

"Everybody."

Good luck on fleshing it out!

Cheers,
Shafter

Surprisingly, I'm the only person that agrees with Suzanne. ^ ^

I read this once, twice, three times over and I was like, "Hm... this doesn't sound like a poem, but a few things rhyme. Then, when Suzanne mentioned chain-letter, I was like that's it.

Plus, a lot of words that should've rhymed, didn't.

If you put a lot of work into this, you could make it a story of fiction or something like that, but this doesn't work in poem form, at all.

Good luck. PM me if you ever need a critique/help!

Love,
Monki

I agree with Suzanne. I like your message, but it doesn't seem like poetry. There is nothing really poetic about it. Put in some imagery, smiles, metaphors and other writing techniques. This work has a ton of potential. And its good to expand too. The shortness of the work and the spacing makes it feel empty, like your are missing something. Go back and revise and re-post with more writing techniques is my advise. Good luck!

I also agree with Suz.
I really does not sound like a poem
Maybe you should read more poetry
but the message is great and I liked it
but theres is something in it the does not sound right