Yawp Poem

I did this for my creative writing class and it was based off of having our first or last line being Walt Whitman's famous line "I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world."

I don't have a title for it yet so I just call it my yawp poem :]

Comments would be appreciated. I feel like it's missing something, but I'm not quite sure what...





I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world
To the tops of these broken buildings is where I've been hurled
I let them know that I have arrived
Not willing to stand up and take my own dive

I stand there alone, curious and afraid
Convincing myself I still can be saved
From the top of the building I look all the way down
I am pulled from my place and flung towards the ground

Soon I am trapped far down below
That question, "Who am I?" won't let me go
It holds me in a dark room with no light
For a moment it seems so worthless to fight

Its fingers drip with hatred and tears
Clinging to my body it searches for fears
It tangles itself in my hair, straps me back
Screaming at me only the things that I lack

I struggle and claw and break myself free
And notice the grimy ground quickly falling behind me
I am back on the roof, on the top of the world
To the top of these buildings is where I've been hurled

Comfort grabs me and says relax and unwind
All those pieces you're missing
You'll soon find

I've never heard of Walt Whitman before. Now I want to go see who he is. Yawp...I like that word.

Very nice poem. No spelling errors at all.

I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world
To the tops of these broken buildings is where I've been hurled
I let them know that I have arrived
Not willing to stand up and take my own dive

I stand there alone, curious and afraid
Convincing myself I still can be saved Maybe add the word that
From the top of the building I look all the way down
I am pulled from my place and flung towards the ground

Soon I am trapped far down below
That question, "Who am I?" won't let me go
It holds me in a dark room with no light
For a moment it seems so worthless to fight Great line

Its fingers drip with hatred and tears
Clinging to my body it searches for fears
It tangles itself in my hair, straps me back
Screaming at me only the things that I lack

I struggle and claw and break myself free
And notice the grimy ground quickly falling behind me
I am back on the roof, on the top of the world
To the top of these buildings is where I've been hurled

Comfort grabs me and says relax and unwind
All those pieces you're missing
You'll soon find Add something else there. There is not enough syllables

Nothing much wrong with this poem, I think. In a few places it gets jumpy. Try shortening some sentences or lengthining them. Please continue the good work!

Becca ^_^

Hello I am GordonRamsayLuver but its GRL for short. Ok about your poem your rhyme thing going on was good untill the end. The end wasn't very impressive because it just stopped like that * snaps finger*. But you kept the rhyming going on, but try not to force the rhyme ok or it won't make sense.

But the grammatical stuff was good. Keep up the good work.

GordonRamsayLuver

I don't know what to think about this. The meaning of it just flew by me. Mind explaining for me what's it about. I can't say much more, it kinda bored me. Maybe because didn't understand it.

Overall: Please tell me the meaning

Good luck
VSN

The meaning = trying to figure out who you really are

That's why I wrote those whole two stanzas about the question "Who am I?"