Warrior: An application for employment

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Warrior : An application for employment
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Last edited by Mayfyre on Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:09 am, edited 3 times in total.
To find freedom in the most unlikeliest of places: at the bottom of an inkwell, on the tip of a quill.




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Mayfyre wrote:Warrior : An application for employment


My lord and lady, I am here,
to offer you my service.
To knightly vows I will adhere,
I’ll do my new state justice.



The rhyming is off here. On paper, they should rhyme, but they don't. ou need another -vice word.

Other than the slight rhyming problem, it was a good poem. I love the title; it gives it a tad bit of humor. It could be better, but it's not bad. Nice job!




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My Lord and lady, I am brave,

strong and clad in metal.

I have sent dragons to the grave ,

indeed, I’m full of mettle what is this word?

I like how you have rhyming in it but try not to switch the pattern then it makes it weird like confusing ok.

If you have questions feel free to contact me whenever.

GRL/GordonRamsayLuver
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I may be bias since I love all stuff medieval. But this is brilliant. And it''s not a serious poem, but you're characterization is hilarious. It would work better as a song since I imagine a sort of old english theme with some modern day guy singing as the knight. It would sound absolutely great.

For Gordon question 'mettle' is strength basically, it's a word used in a lot of fantasy battle scenes.

The title would be better if you called it Knight, since he seems too posh to be a mere warriour.

Overall: Love it, but then again I may be bias. This earns a star.

Good luck
VSN
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