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Your True Name

BigBadBear · 2008-05-05T22:12:03Z

A/N: All of the italicized words/phrases are spoken. BELLA Damned... so cold… almost gone. Dread spreading on. Do you remember the day our paths first crossed? Can you recall, at all, a faraway carousal waltz? No – I’ll never forget: your true name. The name that you bore, that you scorned , was the name you should’ve worn. Your true name: Leo… Do you remember a childish song or those days at the park? Can you recall firefly kisses and when we stayed out till dark? ‘Cause I do, and I’ll never forget. Jean, you were my angel, my friend. Oh, Jean… You were the brother I never had You were my friend and I was glad! No… not glad. I was reborn from that moment I set eyes on you. I was brought back and my old life was through! And I’ll never forget Your true name. The name that you bore, was the name you should've worn. Your coat of arms was the lion. - Sumi H. Inkblot, one day, was browsing in my blog and she saw that I wanted to write a musical. It had always been on of my dreams. So, she offered me to write a musical on one of her amazing pieces of literature. She threw a story at me called, "Your Coat of Arms is the Lion." It was absolutely stunning. I recommend everyone read that piece first before reading this. It might make a little more sense. XD Anyway, this musical is gonna be awesome. She is writing the script while I am writing the music and lyrics. We've both decided on this for the opening song. It's called Your True Name . I've never seen very many musicals here... so yeah. That was random. Here you go. We need all of the feedback possible before I actually start writing the music part of the song. We (Sumi and I) both thank you for taking the time to read and review this. Again, thank you

Fangala the Flying Feline

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 247

Thu May 29, 2008 8:59 pm

Fangala the Flying Feline says... · Thu May 29, 2008 8:59 pm

Hurray, I'm back!

Sorry I haven't posted anything for ages, but now that I've finally returned, guess who's the first person's portfolio I check? That's right, BBB, it's yours!

Now, onto the crit. Quite frankly, I'm stunned. Your poetry has evolved and blossomed like crazy, just like everything else you write. You just keep getting better. This piece flowed smoothly the whole way through, while doing an excellent job of conveying emotion.

Do you remember a childish song or
those days at the park?
Can you recall firefly kisses and
when we stayed out till dark?

This stanza doesn't work for me. The rhyme seems forced.

But other than that, this was beautiful! Is there any chance of you writing a song for one of my stories?

"Hey look! A black shooting star!"

"That's no star...that's Fangala!"

Quote

The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone

Your True Name

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