Sweet Sixteen

And I promise you
I will be the exact opposite of what you expect
when you see me sauntering through the mall
hiding behind pinkteeshirtfrenzy and wearing lorisejeans
I'm your average bubble gum ditzy lipgloss hoard
you know, with a touch of chocolately sweetness
But be careful
If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get sick

And then you think you've got me figured
and I morph before your eyes
a mirror image of shattered glass on black asphault
and my ditzy image melts into a strange maturity
and I'm beautiful

Full-fledged fantasy lingers
behind my bold green eyes
I'm a dreamer
You didn't expect this when you met me
thought I was just another easyprepteenchick
Well...guess again



*okay...not sure why I used Brad's thing where you mesh three or four words together...I think that's just how I wanted it pronounced.*

This was OK. Definitely not your best, Misty, but I kind of get where you got it from. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!)

'when you see me sauntering through the mall
hiding behind pinkteeshirtfrenzy and wearing lorisejeans
I'm your average bubble gum ditzy lipgloss hoard'

Those lines were great. You made my day.

'you know, with a touch of chocolately sweetness
But be careful
If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get sick'

It's rambling. Far too much like me for my taste...fix it...

"you know, with a touch of chocolately sweetness
But be careful
If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get sick "

I liked the first stanza except for this part. The first line of it was good, but the last two were a bit cheesy.

The second stanza... I liked the thought, but not the way you presented it. Also, you had "and" for the first word four times, which was kind of annoying. This stanza doesn't flow as well as the one before it.

"Full-fledged fantasy lingers
behind my bold green eyes
I'm a dreamer "

I just had to put this... I really liked this part.