Finally Free

I'll just start off by saying that I am NOT a poetry person. I don't read it, I don't like it, and most of the time I don't get it.

I wrote this for my writers group. I'm not keen on it, but one of the instructors said that it was pretty good for a first try. I think it's going to be published in the local young peoples magazine.

Let me know what you think.

Finally Free

Pulsating, radiating, emanating heat.
I feel it already, though I am not even close.
I walk forward, my desires encouraging me, pushing me.
Warm sweat slides down my stony face.
One more step. It has begun.

I see, I hear, I smell.
I do not feel.
Smoke rises from the smouldering carpet of coal.
The scorching embers melt my flesh.

Still, I do not feel.
My feet touch solid ground.
Cool ground.
My journey is over.
I’m finally free.

Hmm... I'd say try some more elaboration, some good ideas in there, but not developed! Also, a thing of note for me is "My stony face." I'd try making that sound a bit better, I don't think it fits at all. IDK, I guess thats all I can say, to keep developing and elaborating it.

if you've never written poetry before this is really good.
I find though, that there are some parts that I don't understand. It is probably just me, but you might be able to make it a bit more clear?
You write:
"I feel it already, though I am not even close."
But then throughout the rest of the poem you continue to say, "I do not feel"
A little contradictory and confusing.
Other than a few rough places, you are off to a good start! Good luck!

It's not bad, but in all honesty, there's very little flow--and flow is what gives poetry most of its aesthetic appeal. The fact that every line ends in a period probably has something to do with this.

S1: Not bad, but it's very bare bones; I'd add some more imagery. At the moment you have the concept of that intense heat, so why not play off it?

S2: Interesting imagery here; I particularly like the "smouldering carpet of coal."

S3: This stanza did absolutely nothing for me; it's too bland, indistinct. There's nothing to set it apart from a lot of other poetry.

Hmm not bad, bit short and not detailed enough.

The descriptive words, encourage feelings from the readers!!

Kepp it up,
Doffa...

I have no idea what your doing in this poem... but it wast still good. It was short and I wish you would add a little more onto it so it would be a bit longer.

It had emotion in it and that's what kept me reading it till it was finished. If you work on your poetry more you would get a lot better at it. Your instructor was right, for a first try this was preety good.

Not bad, but strange. I think that it was very choppy and vague. The stanzas were different lengths and not at all in the same format, although that's not always needed in free form poems. Anyways, it's still definitely a work in progress.

Hi,
For your first time writing poetry, it is really well done.

I am not much poetry person. I really enjoyed this though!

My favorite line has to be:

Smoke rises from the smouldering carpet of coal.
The scorching embers melt my flesh.

Really good imagery!

Did you say that it was going to be, PUBLISHED!?

Please pm me if you are!

-lg*

Thanks for the reviews. I know as far as poetry goes, i'm pretty bad at it. But what the hell, it's not what i'm interested in anyway.

And it might possibly be getting published in a small scale young peoples magazine ( http://cubeweb.co.uk ) I told my instructor though that she should publish better poems because i'll have plenty of opportunies to get other things published, better things, in there since one of the instructors runs the magazine. It's not really big of a deal.

Very good!

I don't get why you said, "I feel it already" in the first stanza and "I do not feel" in the other two. But other than that, good job!

I hope you get published!

For a first try I think it was REALLY good.
So deep... anyway I like it a lot!