That was quite good, I thought. The lighting ideas were very well thought out. I especially liked the end with the "Merry Christmas" sign. I have to say, it was a little bittersweet what with spending Christmas alone, but the light at the end seemed like a symbol of hope. The funny parts were actually funny though (something that is hard to find in a lot of writing). Nice job!
~abby~
cross the wall? nobody crosses the wall!
-stardust
Meh. You've had much better, believe me--this was a piece of mediocre, coming from YWS's official script writer. Basically, it had a pooping plot. Too preachy, yes, too cliche, too christmasy. I suggest you dump it.
The dialogue was good. The characters weren't. You had some completely unnecessary lines, like "Are you gay?" and the whole "Marty, I'm speaking to a customer!" subplot. All in all, bleh.
I just reread your "Below" script, and it was spectacular. So congrats amigo.
Poetry is my cheap means of transportation. By the end of the poem the reader should be in a different place from where he started. I would like him to be slightly disoriented at the end, like I drove him outside of town at night and dropped him off in a cornfield. — Billy Collins
