The Dreamer's Reality

The Dreamer’s Reality

He was young once
the leader in a strong cloud.
but as all clouds must,
their rain falls

he fell to the earth,
sad to leave his cloud
landing on the harsh-edged reality
of the world below

his own droplet now,
he flowed with the rest
trying to conform to a society
he did not know

stuck in a river
flowing to a destination unknown
where he did not want to go.
he cried, he resisted

found in the lake,
the dreamer tried to tell his tales
to the small minds of reality.
they did not understand

the frustrations
of the truths of reality
have been shown to the droplet.
he now misses his cloud

the droplet dreamer
dreamt of his loving life,
freedom of mind
in his cloud nine

and he dreams of a day,
when the edges of the reality
fade away, to see
the possibilities of his worlds

but in his reality
his happiness is in the cloud
where dreamers dream free
free of this reality




“Every reality needs a dreamer to tell them that this isn’t everything there is.”
Inspired by that quote. Written about a friend, for a friend. Hope you enjoyed!

~Yoyo

Wow, Yoyo! This was so good! I loved it! I'm no good with poetry, but I can tell you what I liked and didn't like!

I liked this line:

the droplet dreamer
dreamt of his loving life,

Alliteration (sp?) Rocks my sock right here! I love these two lines!

The part that didn't work for me was

where dreamers dream free
free of this reality

The two free's? Uh huh. Not gonna work. I dont' know how you are going to reword it.

Awesome! I can't wait to see more of your stuff!~

BBB

You have a lot of good imagery here, consistancy linking it together much the way an old book is held together with thread or stitching. Very well done. My eye doth twitch at the lack of punctuation however, before you get too cocky keep in mind that there is always room for improvement. It's practically a code people live by; Do well, now do better. I like the way you compared a raindrop to a male person.

I did like this but the flow to me seemed a bit choppy, like for a bit it it had a good flow then it changed to not having one which personally made it hard to read.
But other than that I absolutely love what you have the words are brilliant and what you are doing with the clouds I LOVE IT!!

keep posting you have a real talent =)

Nice work This was really well written. The only thing that stood out is I think you could maybe have used a different word besides reality. It seemed to repeative to me.

Also, I found the flow to be a little off.

But otherwise, how you used the cloud and the guy as a drop of water...wow, that was poetry!

Keep Writing!

Heyhey

I loved it! The whole meaning is very deep, but your use of imigary is beautifully simple. Nice work.

The only thing I can point out is that I agree with Lost-my-mind. You started off with quite a good rhythm, but it got a bit shaky near the end. This could be changed if there's room for it, but if not, the rest of the poem overall makes up for it.

This is a great piece of work. Keep it up

Hey! this is very natural and flowing. I really liked it! I think you could work on the punctuation and capitilazation Here's how I would put it.

He was young once,
The leader in a strong cloud.
But, as all clouds must, This line is a tad confusing.
Their rain falls.

He fell to the earth,
Sad to leave his cloud,
Landing on the harsh-edged reality
Of the world below.

His own droplet now,
He flowed with the rest
Trying to conform to a society,
He did not know.

Stuck in a river,
Flowing to a destination unknown, I would put, "Flowing to an unknown"
Where he did not want to go.
He cried, he resisted I would put," He cried and resisted"

Found in the lake,
The dreamer tried to tell his tales
To the small minds of reality;
They did not understand.

The frustrations
Of the truths of reality,
Have been shown to the droplet;
He now misses his cloud.

The droplet dreamer
Dreamt of his loving life;
Freedom of mind,
In his cloud nine.

And he dreams of a day,
When the edges of the reality
Fade away, to see
The possibilities of his worlds.



Awesome job with this!!!

That totally rocked my socks off. This was one of the most fantastic pieces of poetry I've seen written by ANYONE (probably because I'm a dreamer too ) and I loved how you put a conflict in it...makes it seem more unique--like a story plot in a poem.

I believe that this poem is incredibly true to real life and the world we live in.
It was the title that originally caught my attention - but then as I read through I became more and more entrapped in the words that were written.

his own droplet now,
he flowed with the rest
trying to conform to a society
he did not know

stuck in a river
flowing to a destination unknown
where he did not want to go.

I think that this part was particularly powerful and so simple to relate to.

and he dreams of a day,
when the edges of the reality
fade away, to see
the possibilities of his worlds

This was my favourite part of your entire poem. It is beautiful and simple, yet at the same time the message is so deeply true. I love it.

I can't wait to read some more of your future work - it is both artistic and meaningful.

wow... this reminds me of something Edgar Allen Poe would write (that is a good thing)

I liked this. It was really different. I did think the word "cloud" was used too many times though.