Some Things On My Mind

Everyday I get up at 5 A.M.
I get up and go
Go Go Go

I go to work and eat on the way
I don't really know
there's nothing to say

When I go to bed
I try to think what I did
What I said

The next day I get up
And do it all again
I get up and
Go Go Go

This was okay. Its not great. I think you have to make it more interesting by expanding and using different words. Try making more endearing. This is too repeatitive and cliche. It like I'm reading a poetry anthology for third graders. Nice idea. It has potential.

I have to disagree, I'm afraid. I thought the poem was clever and was something that we all have to slog through, the sometimes overwhelming monotony of life. Loved it! ~LM

Thanks! This is only my 2ed poem and I love the Comments!

You're welcome. Keep on writing, you'll only ever improve. ~LM

I'm sorry, but I didn't like this poem. But I know in the long run, your stories and poems will be much better. Best wishes!

This poem was REALLY COOL! I loved the repetition and overall, it was super cool. <3

Keep writing.
This was cool, and if you continue, I think your next ones could be fantastic.

I like the idea, although I do believe I got a bit confused onto whether or not it was supposed to rhyme, or not...
2 stanzas rhymed, and 2 didn't.


But other than that, it was pretty good.


8.5/10

I'm afraid I'd have to agree with aetstar. This poem lacked... substance. All it did was tell us about the guy's boring life. How not interesting!

Some pointers:

~ Tell us about the day. Why was it so boring? What made it boring?

~ Why should we like this poem if there is nothing to like? It's really not all that fun to read about a poem about... nothing.

Hope this helped and I wasn't too harsh.

:Sythe:

Hmm, all I thought about was the Go, go, go bit. Snagged me and I have to admit, I didnt enjoy reading it from thereon.

But you have rhythm thats good.

In a way, it's very clever. I think it's a very unique poem that will be read according to the reader...:S which is not the best always. As the writer, you want to be in control of the reader The power's yours! Lol.

If you were trying to bring across the 'boring' bit...well, congratulations

Keep practicing and having fun at the same time

Till next time

Peace V