Writer's Block revised

Alright, I need to know a few things,
1. Does this seem thrown together?
2. Does it seem to go 'off track'?
3. How is it?
Crits welcome!


I look at my paper;
It's as blank as my tired mind.
I look at my pencil;
It's sharp, like I was an hour ago
I've been sitting here for hours,
Haven't written a word;
I stare out the window
The rains falls down.


Suddenly...a spark!
A world is opened
to my eyes.
I put pencil to paper
Make thoughts come to life,
I write
And worlds spring out of my paper
Like a 3D movie.

I stare at my paper,
A new civilization has risen
It's gone through trials,
It's fallen and withered.
But heroes arose and conquered and lived.
The Kingdom had come from the ashes.

I smile down at my work,
My piece of art.
Writer's block is gone,
Though I dread the moment
When I meet with it again.

I think is a really interesting idea. It was well written, but I think you should use more desciptive words in some parts.

Also there is something about this one line "I write and I write and I stop." It is kind of an awkward line. Perhaps take out one of the "ands".
Other than that it was a great poem! Good job! =]

Unfortunately, writing about writer's block is so overdone I don't know that I've ever seen it done well. The description of a blank page is possibly THE largest cliche when it comes to writing-about-writing, and the poem offers no new perspectives on an unfortunate disease well-known to all of us. Why not write a poem about something unique to you, or something you can describe in a way we haven't seen before? Until then, good luck with the writer's block.

-Colleen

I would have to agree with Cade that the subject of writer's block is highly overused. However, since you've written the poem already ...
It seemed to me that the line

Mind blank.

was too short for the last line of the stanza. Maybe you could lengthen it. Also, it would be easier for the reader if you had some pattern or rhythm to it.
All things considered, I enjoyed it!

It all seems like a good idea...but it seems a little dull and undescriptive to me, like the others have mentioned. If you want to write about Writer's Block, I suggest using big comparisons, like metaphors or similes, to make it pop out. And be drastic. I don't know...exaggerate! That way, the feeling of having Writer's Block will have more impact to the reader.

I did like this part though:
"Suddenly...a spark!
A world is opened
to my eyes.
I put pencil to paper
Make thoughts come to life,"


~Timea

Rather cliche and could use more description and imagery. Maybe you should put some metaphors in there to spice things up. But I have to admit, it held me and I read it to the end.

Didn't really notice an grammar/punctuation mistakes.

This reminds me the song Unwritten By Natasha Bedingfield especailly the beginning of this poem.
I'll quote from the song:

"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"

See how she's put imagery into her writing experience. She's got so much emotion going on there.

Writing isn't as simple as

"I write and I write and I stop"

Best of Luck!
-Icy

vet4life13 wrote:I look at my paper;
It's blank.
I look at my pencil;
It's sharp.
I've been sitting here for hours,
Haven't written a word;
I stare out the window
Mind blank.

Suddenly...a spark!
A world is opened
to my eyes.
I put pencil to paper
Make thoughts come to life,
I write and I write and I stop.

I stare at my paper,
It's full of words.
I stare at my pencil;
It's dull.
Writer's block again!

I liked how you described that writer's block can leave your mind blank. It's a very stressful part into writing. I like the rhythm you used in this. I don't like how the last line doesn't fit in with the last stanza though. Have a look:

I stare at my paper,
It's full of words.
I stare at my pencil;
It's dull.
Writer's block again!

The rhythm falls at the last line. Try to fix that a bit.

Other than that, I really enjyed this. Keep up the good work.

-Rick.