CAPTURED: A Poetry Program

The theme of these poems is the emotional strength of photographs. Some may give people the "warm fuzzies", others may arouse anger and spite. Whatever the emotion may be, photographs and pictures are sure to conjure it up. The following is seven poems in seven poetic forms -- Italian sonnet, ballad, free verse, blank verse, epitaph, elegy, and English sonnet -- that express the different emotions felt when gazing at a photograph.

Please feel free to critique any or all of the poems.


"Newsworthy"

I saw your picture in the news today,
I read that you were getting married soon.
I couldn’t help but think all afternoon:
What once was mine is now stolen away.
Our love seemed like it was going to stay,
And everyone we knew would just assume
That we’d forever be a bride and groom.
The world stopped in its tracks on that dark day.

Staring at your picture, I now see
That there is nothing left for me to try
To win you back. All that I can find
To do is cut the picture out and be
The bigger man by watching as your eyes
Are turned to ash, and I leave you behind.



"Discarded Memories"

A photo lies upon the floor,
A discarded page of memories
Full of happiness and merriment
Only the owner sees.

Or maybe it contains a view
Of a terrible old life,
Where their soul was filled with darkness
That was released by knife.

A photo of complacency,
Taken just moments before
Their life was changed with news
That dropped them to the floor.

How curious that photograph
Would just be tossed aside!
Who knows what sort of testimony
That photo would provide?

I gazed upon that photograph
Wond’ring what I’d see,
Hoping for a glimpse at what
Had made this person be.

I saw a group of people
Mugging for the lens;
I don’t know how the felt that day,
And I surely won’t pretend.



"I wish that I could go back in time"

I wish that I could go back in time
And untake every photo I’ve ever been in.
I smile on the outside,
But look into my eyes,
And I’m disconnected from the world.
Arms around people I don’t really like,
Faking a smile for the split second that
We’re all friends.
After the flash, I will leave with
Words exchanged and
Egos bruised,
Wondering when the next façade will be.



"The Great Divide"

Your beauty reaches out and overtakes
My sense of truth and fantasy. Your hair
Falls down your neck in gentle curls; your lips
Curled up into a knowing smirk; your eyes
Stare sensu’ally into my own, and I
Don’t think that I can stand it anymore.

I want to reach across that great divide
Of time and space to take your hand and whisk
You off your feet. The hand that reaches out
Of frame seems to invite me in your world,
A world of sepi’a memories where we
Are free to live without a single care.

Alas, this dream was never meant to be.
I’m left alone to gaze forever at
A goddess I can never claim, though I
Will not stop dreaming of our perfect life.



"If you miss my smiling face"

If you miss my smiling face,
Place a picture in my place,
For as long as you remember me,
Close your eyes, and there I’ll be.



"Browsing Through Memories"

The bins are piled around me
As I’m searching through the photos,
Trying to find the ones that
Best capture your legacy.

I find a photo of myself
As an infant sitting on your lap.
Your smile is wide,
Your teeth exposed, as you
Bounce me on your knee,
My toothless grin beaming brightly.
The picture is old and faded,
Probably dating back sixteen years,
But the image is just as fresh as ever:
Grandfather and Grandson
Enveloped in a moment of bliss.

The pictures fly across the room,
A small pile of “keepers”,
A larger pile of “throwers”,
But occasionally, there will be a picture
That lingers in my hands.

The family of four huddled around the dinner table,
Posing with smiles wide for the camera:
Father, Daughter, Son, and Mother.
When this was taken,
This was where they happened to be sitting.
Today, it’s symbolic in a sense:
The father has been dead seven years,
The mother, less than one;
Yet, even as Brother and Sister
Browse the still images of life,
Father and Mother continue to surround them
Forever.

Tears begin to well in my eyes
As I flip through photo album
After photo album,
Remembering the times
That are now tangible.

The photo, in black and white,
Portray a young couple newly wed.
They look so happy, the smiles on their face
Glowing through the tattered photograph.
Fifty years later, this once happy couple
Is now separated by death,
But there is hope that one day
They will renew their vows in front of
God Himself.

I yawn and stretch my arms.
I pack up whatever pictures I can
Before I decide that they can be put away
In the morning.
I flip off all the lights,
And before I go to bed,
I glance over to the pile of memories
Lying scattered on the floor.
Most of the people in those photos are gone,
But they remain forever encased
In my mind
And on film.



"Snow Days"

The snow is piled high above a house,
And kids are sledding down the hills of white.
Adults are bundled up, tight as a louse
About to feed upon a host. The sight
Of that builds up the hopes of kids, who sit
And wish the snow will cancel school today.
The paper builds suspense by saying this
Might be the storm that everyone will say
Is the worst storm in recent history.
The pictures juxtaposed to text confirm
That snow will clog the streets, and soon we’ll see
The schools will close. The kids fidget and squirm.

The kids in all surrounding towns sleep in;
The rest of us must suffer school again.

Hi Zo!


"Newsworthy"

I like this. It’s sweet but sad, a lovely combination.

I find that the repetition of “I” got to me slightly in the first three lines. I think that it also felt a little stilted, perhaps slightly cold; which, in itself brings about a completely new idea of how to take the poem. Part of it may be the style, but I don’t think so, not in completion. There’s just a general feeling of detachment here. I am unsure if that is on purpose or not.

I particularly like the last line; I think that ends it beautifully.

Nice work. ^^


"Discarded Memories"
I really like how you’ve ended this. It’s a cute, quirky line to end on.

There’s something about the first stanza that jars, for me, but I’m not sure what it is exactly. Perhaps have a look over it, I may be imagining things. ^^

I feel the rhyme of the second stanza to be a little forced, and the connection from stanza one to stanza two loses something in the transition. That would just be because you started a sentence with “Or” and that kills my grammatical senses. ^^ Also, I find the “dark soul, released by knife” to feel a little overdone? It does work, but I find it noticeable, the way it clicks with other things I read (of not nearly as good quality)
Last stanza, second last line: “The” = “they”

All in all, I like this. Nice work once again. ^^


"I wish that I could go back in time"


Okay. Here you aren’t chained by rules or conventions. I think you can muck around with it a little more than you have done. While I like it, I really like the meaning behind and how the imagery and thought works, it’s missing something. I’m not entirely sure what that is, although I find the fourth last line – and subsequent lines – to lack a sense of flow. It doesn’t completely detract from the poem, but it does something to it.

So, I think you could look over this and just see if anything jars for you, and go from there? I really do like it, anyway. ^^


"The Great Divide"

Repetition of “curl” in the first stanza is noticeable. I don’t think you need sensually in the second last line (“sensu’ally” = Sensually?) it’s just extra, and I think I like it better as simply stare.

“sepi’a” = Sepia? (Not sure why the apostrophes are in either of those?) here you have a good image, I can see it. But I still think it’s missing the feeling you have in the first stanza. In the first I can feel the frustration, the longing, the need. Here I lose all that. It’s almost as if the narrator is bored with it. Has done it so many times, has thought and dreamt too many times, so now he just doesn’t care so much.

I don’t particularly like your last stanza. I think it ends with a bland note, almost as if it hasn’t ended at all. It lacks a sense of longing, of emotion that the rest of the poem has. Also the use of “alas” sounds odd here, it’s an old style word and the rest of your poem doesn’t reflect that feeling.

Read over the entire poem, think about the meaning, the emotion you want in there. It’s a perfectly good poem, in a general sense, I just think you can do better.


"If you miss my smiling face"

Oh this was so cute and sweet and touching. Nice work.


"Browsing Through Memories"


I’m not sure I like this.

You’ve taken a very calculated method of writing here. And at points I think it lacks a little something, an edge that I think you have otherwise. I like what you’ve done, and find the bits in italics to be the best part of the poem. Otherwise it’s mainly telling, I did this, they sit there. It’s very basic. Straightforward, clear and concise, almost no room for other emotions in there. Although I can feel the poem, I think you’re lacking the connecting feelings.

If that makes sense. ^^


"Snow Days"

Hrm. I don’t think I like this.

While I appreciate your use of the sonnet, I feel this is cold, without inflection or emotion until you come to the last couplet. I like the idea, but I feel you could have built it up a bit more. It’s an interesting way to do it – without the inflection of emotion, and the base facts, but there’s no feeling, and that alienates the poem from the reader.

Again, I think you can do better than that.


All in all, I like them. You’ve got some really good poems here, and you’ve done well to arrange them differently. Each one has its own personality and feeling. Well done. ^^

Any questions about the crit, just ask and I’ll do what I can to explain.

*hearts* Le Penguin.

Sorry some of these may be very short or bland, but I'd feel ignorant to only critique half of them. I also can't tell the difference between an italian verse and a free sonnet, so sorry if I misjudge anything.

<Newsworthy>

This poem is quite sophisticated, I like it. I loved the rhyming scheme in the first verse, but the second was a bit jittery.

'To win you back. All that I can find
To do is cut the picture out and be
The bigger man...' - I think these could be rewritten so the sentence doesn't start mid-line, it's slightly disruptive.

The last line was really good too, the whole poem gave me the impression of someone who is sad for being left behind, and when you mention the girl's eyes being 'turned to ash', it completely turns the meaning around.


<Discarded Memories>

This makes me wonder what the news was, but it's really well written.

'Who knows what sort of testimony
That photo would provide?' - These are great lines. Your use of the word 'testimony' gives the impression that the photo knew something the people around didn't.


<I wish that I could go back in time>

'Arms around people I don’t really like' - This made me laugh slightly.

I think through the whole thing you've done a great job of showing the view of a person smiling in the picture. It's interesting, seeing how smiling photos don't always bring back happy memories.


Sorry, it's late :p I'll get through the others some other time soon, and if I don't, you have permission to spam me with messages until I do.

Keep up the good work

NOt bad. if you do what the others said to you'll do fine. I rather liked it. Keep it up ^_^