A Simple Peace

this is an essay i made about peace. tell me what you think. i study in a Christian school that is exclusive for girls by the way. this explains why my essay is like this.

A Simple Peace


Peace is a state of being calm and quiet, or a state of freedom from disturbance according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Just like any other word, peace can be defined in a dictionary. But do we really know what peace is? How it works? How it’s done? How do we experience it in our lives?

Peace is a vague word. It’s like an ocean that is deep and enormous, a high mountain that is so hard to reach or climb. But peace is just simple is we just know how to apply it in our lives. Making our lives simple and head towards the right foundation. How is that?

Entrusting our lives to Christ would have the right foundation and keeping our minds on good things. Our lives focus on God and living a simple life would make us sleep tight at night. Knowing that Christ is in control of our lives and we can give our worries to Him. That will give us the peace that nobody can buy or bribe, the peace that will make us shine and bright, the peace that will give us strength and integrity. This is the right kind of peace we all need to have.

Peace is a state of being calm and quiet, or a state of freedom from disturbance according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Just like any other word, peace can be defined in a dictionary. But do we really know what peace is? How it works? How it’s done? How do we experience it in our lives?

Hmm not a good way to start with a definition. I've a suggestion instead start with a famous quote about it. Less textbook more imaginative so to speak. Plus an introduction should hook people this doesn't. Yes it has questions but if ya have an essay should at least try to answer them.

Peace is a vague word. It’s like an ocean that is deep and enormous, a high mountain that is so hard to reach or climb. But peace is just simple is we just know how to apply it in our lives. Making our lives simple and head towards the right foundation. How is that?

Nows a good time to have definition and few more quotes, get other peoples opinion. Scour the net for information. Even better make use of events now. To explain why peace would be so great. Go global don't just leave it all on one scale.

Entrusting our lives to Christ would have the right foundation and keeping our minds on good things. Our lives focus on God and living a simple life would make us sleep tight at night. Knowing that Christ is in control of our lives and we can give our worries to Him. That will give us the peace that nobody can buy or bribe, the peace that will make us shine and bright, the peace that will give us strength and integrity. This is the right kind of peace we all need to have.

Ahem. I'm offended I'm not athiest I'm agnostic, but still you've got to remember that assuming all believe everything you say is a big generalization. Overall this is far too short and too religious for my liking. You could make this so much better with quotes and opinions about. What this lacks is depth and opinion. Remember the religious bit your opinion, some others may not agree.

VSN
Good luck.

Hmm...you have good opinions, but your expression of them could use some work. First off, don't use the word "peace" so many times. It felt like you used the word every sentence, which doesn't make for good sentence variety. Second, you never clearly state the answers to your questions. You sum up what Christ's peace is in the last paragraph, but you don't relate that paragraph to the rest of the essay.

Peace is a state of being calm and quiet, or a state of freedom from disturbance according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Just like any other word, peace can be defined in a dictionary.

I really did not like this beginning. Of course peace is a word and can be defined in the dictionary? So what?

All in all, the essay could use some fleshing out. Maybe use some description to help illustrate your points. Sorry if I sounded harsh. You have good ideas in this peace. Keep writing!

I'm not sure "essay" works here. And please, don't put in the religious bit, or add a disclaimer. A lot of people, such as Jews, aethiests, Hindus, Budhists, etc. might be slightly startled and offended by the part about Christ and so on. Also, start from scratch on the beginning. Perhaps a statement followed by a question? (Starting with a question is bad. It has to be a short question- a beginning like this: "More stores open each year at earlier times for the day-after-Thanksgiving shopping craze. So who really needs to shop at one in the morning?" Something like that, where you state a fact, then question a part of it.) That would work great in this essay.

Now the good (or at least- better) part. Stretch this out! You sound like you could go one about this topic, so don't be afraid to. Talk about how it spreads out in all religions, even ones that propoganda cites as violent. Tell us about how inner peace works, and how it's acheived by both meditation, prayer, and giving back. Question the ability to "define" peace more, and really get into this topic. Remember that peace is a fairly universal topic and theme, so branch out to all the groups. Think about this topic, and I'm sure this will be a great essay with work.
It's great to find someone able to write about this comfortably, so please do write!

PM me when and if you edit and make this longer! I'm happy to re-review a later version! Or PM me with a question- I'm happy to help!

Your piece on peace is well-written. XD....my corny humor...
This is all well written but I have to say I disagree with your meaning of Peace. I believe, to find peace it is different for everyone. For you peace is putting you heart and trust with GOd, but does that mean people who aren't Christians can't find peace?
Maybe you can mention that for YOU thats what peace is. But I feel peace is an extremely vague term and there are many ways to describe it.
I really like your idea of writing on peace.
I can see that you have something to say. Say it. Write it. The above 'essay' is too short for what you are trying to tell us. Well at least I feel it is.
I'd love to read on, if you write more.
PM me if you have any question and if you write more or edit this piece I'd love to get back to it and read it.