Greet the New Day

If this is how we disappear then
Maybe I don’t wanna wake up in the mornin’
Another familiar scene to play along to

And it boasts a replay value
(Never heard of that before)
But then again there’s a lot I don’t know
Running around me while I’m kept in the dark

It could be different if
Maybe I wasn’t so disjointed
The misallocation of potential
So bright that a future comes with it
No strings attached

But a lot of guarantees pop up nowadays
And no doubt this is just another faker

So let it go
That’s what I’ll do
After all, nothing else is happening right now
Life just sings along like it always does

I just wish that I could see
What I’m turning into
So that maybe I don’t have to worry

Every day marks a new start
But how is it new when it feels so déjà vu?

Reminiscing always used to be a solution
But now there’s no real problem, is there?

There’s something amiss
I’m surrounded by friends
But I feel lonely anyhow
It’s like being a rock in the bottom of a river

Nature takes her course, charting the river’s course
And we all just stand around in the bottom, while
The water of time flows by, nothing seems to happen
Maybe that’s because we aren’t doing anything to change
Or maybe it’s all just me
Chalk another score for the self-deluded paranoid

i have one word for this. and that is very hard for me to say. that was.......

WEIRD! but understandable. you were right when you said poetry is not your thing.

welcome to YWS!

Jennie

The poem has a really nice start. You ended really well with lots of imagery and figurative language, but where did that come from? The beginning you do a lot of just telling... so it makes me wonder if you're one of those people who starts out shy and then just shines the closer to the end they get.
Try and incorporate some of that magic in the end in the beginning, too. Just add some smilies or metaphors or more figurative language in there. The five senses are always a good place to start.

Okay, I'm not going to comment on the lack of punctuation...though I really want to. I'll do it on content instead since you could easily fix the other things yourself.



If this is how we disappear then
Maybe I don’t wanna wake up in the mornin’
Another familiar scene to play along to

**I like the first line and the play on the second line but I think you should change "mornin'" to "morning" only because goes better with the feel of the poem. The third line was good.

And it boasts a replay value
(Never heard of that before)
But then again there’s a lot I don’t know
Running around me while I’m kept in the dark

**I think this part is considered poetic, buuuut, you come off of those poetic lines with "Never heard of that before...etc." And it takes away from those words if you know what I mean. You should stick to one idea at a time in one stanza, it seems like you're just randomly changing topics when you don't.

It could be different if
Maybe I wasn’t so disjointed
The misallocation of potential
So bright that a future comes with it
No strings attached

**I think this was my favorite stanza. I like the word usage and the "No strings attached" line.

But a lot of guarantees pop up nowadays
And no doubt this is just another faker

**Lol nice. And very true.

So let it go
That’s what I’ll do
After all, nothing else is happening right now
Life just sings along like it always does

**The first line could do without the "So". It makes the poem sound like it's coming to an end and it really isn't. Also, simply saying "Let it go." sounds more effective. I like the personification of life singing along. That was a pretty image.

I just wish that I could see
What I’m turning into
So that maybe I don’t have to worry

**I like the first two lines but the third is kind of off and reads weird. Maybe change it to "So maybe I won't have to worry."

Every day marks a new start
But how is it new when it feels so déjà vu?

**Really nice.

Reminiscing always used to be a solution
But now there’s no real problem, is there?

**I'm not sure I really get this part. It seemed like you had the right thing going with the first line but then after that you lost me. I don't think these two lines really go together.

There’s something amiss
I’m surrounded by friends
But I feel lonely anyhow
It’s like being a rock in the bottom of a river

**"It's like being a rock in the bottom of a river" is cliche. You should use a different comparison especially when you're comparing it to being surrounded by friends and still feeling alone. I don't know why but I automatically thought of the ugly duckling in the middle of it's flock...don't ask.

Nature takes her course, charting the river’s course
And we all just stand around in the bottom, while
The water of time flows by, nothing seems to happen
Maybe that’s because we aren’t doing anything to change
Or maybe it’s all just me
Chalk another score for the self-deluded paranoid

This seemed too long. I think you should slice it in half at the point where it said "Maybe that's because..." And make it two stanzas. I really like the first line. The repetition of the word "course" really does it well. The end was very nice.

I think you have a thing for poetry, because in this I found quite a lot of truth. It didn't confuse me untill those moments where you were trying to get out a punch of feeling all in one stanza, and even then eventually I got what you meant. You should just go over this and clarify everything, separating them into their own individual spots and then rewriting it when it's all organized. This has a lot of potential.

PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything!
~Rieda