Every Step of the Way

Every Step of the Way

When you’re hungry, grumpy or lone
Or sleepy, restless and in a little mess
When you’re clumsy and learning the ropes
Or in desperate need of a piggyback
Mommy’s always there to lend a hand

When you’ve skid your knee
Or lost a pack of cherished gum
When you’ve had a bad day
Or feeling plainly sullen
Mommy’s always there to banish the blues

If you’ve stubbed your big toe
Or got a pine needle stuck in your soles
When you’ve got a loose tooth
Or a pimple on your nose
Mommy’s always there to the rescue

When you’re lost and confused
Or in a dire pickle over which way to go
When you’re plagued with questions
Or consumed with stress and new found anxiety
Mommy’s always there to shed some light

When you’re making important choices
Or are conflicted over big important issues
When decisions are left for you to make
Or you’re entrusted with a whole lot of responsibly
Mommy’s always got valuable input to spare

When you spot your first strand of gray
Or a laugh line, crows feet too many
When other people seek your advice
Or when your wisdom is sought on great demand
Mommy’s treasured words suffice the power of a guiding light

When you’re pushing 62
Or in need of help in choosing specs
When a new lineage of your own looks to you
Or even when you’re a granny of 3
Mommy who’s pushing 93 is always there to kiss ‘boo boos’ away

Every step of the way
You are her ‘little’ bouncy baby
Giggling and basking away
In the glory of her wise words of care
Cozying up to her nurturing ways

Learning to love, teach and grow
Inspired to be a better you
Love’s never in ration when mommy’s around
That’s why you see, ‘Mommy’ is a bejewelled term
Only you and I can truly fathom…

Hi there,

I like this a lot, but I think it was kinda rough. It didn't flow too great for me and so it was slightly hard to read. I don't really have much to say besides that.

Keep it up

Sam7hana wrote:Every Step of the Way

When you’re hungry, grumpy or lone
this should be 'alone'

Or sleepy, restless and in a little mess
the flow is murdered by this line. try and rework the wording, too 'cause it sounds awkward, maybe like this:
When you're hungry, grumpy, or alone
sleepy, restless
or in a little mess

When you’re clumsy and learning the ropes
Maybe replace 'and learning the' with 'on' to reduce syllable count. you have too many on this line, and even if you break it off into two lines, it's still, well, clumsy to read. So the line would read:
When you're clumsy on the ropes

Or in desperate need of a piggyback
Mommy’s always there to lend a hand
that should be 'Mommy is' 'Mommy's is possessive. Also, try reworking these line breaks, too. You need to try and keep a steady flow.
Try:
Or in desperate need of a piggy-
back, Mommy's always there
to lend a hand

When you’ve skid your knee
That should be 'skinned' not skid.

Or lost a pack of cherished gum
When you’ve had a bad day
Or feeling plainly sullen
that should be 'feel' not feeling.

Mommy’s always there to banish the blues
rework line breaks here, too. This:
Mommy is always there
to banish the blues

If you’ve stubbed your big toe
Go with 'you stub' instead of you've stubbed. less syllables.

Or got a pine needle stuck in your soles
try 'or get pine needles in your soles' less syllables.

When you’ve got a loose tooth
Or a pimple on your nose
Mommy’s always there to the rescue
'Mommy is always there
to rescue you

When you’re lost and confused
Or in a dire pickle over which way to go
or in a pickle
over which way to go

When you’re plagued with questions
Or consumed with stress and new found anxiety
or consumed with stress
and new found anxiety

Mommy’s always there to shed some light
Mommy is always there
to shed some light

When you’re making important choices
take out 'you're'

Or are conflicted over big important issues
or conflicted with big issues

When decisions are left for you to make
take out this line

Or you’re entrusted with a whole lot of responsibly
or you're entrusted
with great responsibilities

Mommy’s always got valuable input to spare
Mommy always has
valuable input to spare

When you spot your first strand of gray
Or a laugh line, crows feet too many
a laugh line, or too many crows feet

When other people seek your advice
Or when your wisdom is sought on great demand
or when your wisdom
is sought on great demand

Mommy’s treasured words suffice the power of a guiding light
Mommy's treasured words
suffice as your guiding light

When you’re pushing 62
Or in need of help in choosing specs
or need help choosing specs

When a new lineage of your own looks to you
when your own lineage looks to you

Or even when you’re a granny of 3
Mommy who’s pushing 93 is always there to kiss ‘boo boos’ away
Mommy, who's pushing 93
will kiss the 'boo-boos' away

Every step of the way
You are her ‘little’ bouncy baby
Giggling and basking away
take out away

In the glory of her wise words of care
take out of care

Cozying up to her nurturing ways

Learning to love, teach and grow
Inspired to be a better you
Love’s never in ration when mommy’s around
love is never in ration
when Mommy is around

That’s why[[comma here]] you see, [[insert like break‘Mommy’ is a bejeweled term
Only you and I can truly fathom…

Okay, your line breaks were murder on the flow of the poem, but I went through and kind of helped them out. You also use too many syllables in a lot of lines. Sometimes you just need to re-word, like I've done, take out words, like I've done, or simply break the line into two, like I've done.

I really thought this was a cute poem. It's got a really sweet meaning to anyone who was ever close to their mother.

You need to try and add more figurative language. Try your hand at some similes or metaphors. They're really quite fun. ^.^

You have too many ors and whens and sentence structure problems. Most of your lines are all incomplete thoughts. Try going through and writing it like it's a paragraph, then you can more easily put in your punctuation [[which you're lacking]] and fix all your grammatical errors and such. Then you can even play with line breaks after you're done.

Over all, it was a pretty good read, though, and I liked it.

I hope I helped out some. =]

Love,
A.V. [[Ashurii]]

Hmm. I think you tacked a tough, worn-out subject well. For the most part it was fresh, which is sometimes the most you can hope for when writing about such topics.
I found your rhythm a bit off in places, which undermined a lot of what was good about the poem, because you need a jaunty rhythm to carry the tone off in this. AVilicious666's suggestions go a long to way to improving that.
I liked the first few stanzas, but by the time you got to

When you’re lost and confused
Or in a dire pickle over which way to go
When you’re plagued with questions
Or consumed with stress and new found anxiety
Mommy’s always there to shed some light

When you’re making important choices
Or are conflicted over big important issues
When decisions are left for you to make
Or you’re entrusted with a whole lot of responsibly
Mommy’s always got valuable input to spare

I felt like you'd lost the humour and detail in examples you had before. The vagueness of these 2 stanzas overload the poem. Stick to personal details rather than trying to put every experience under broad umbrella terms like "stress", "anxiety", "important choices", "big important issues". Those sorts of words aren't poetic, they're news-story or soap opera words.
I also thought you went a bit overboard on the cliches, but there's a lot of good in there too.