Intensity

Cold tears fall,
Staining her shirt.
Screams escape.

She can't yell loud enough.

A swollen heart.
Pain ripping at her chest.
Ready to die.

Nails dig deep.
Piercing the skin.
Letting blood flow.

The nightmares escape their cages.

Blinded by lust.
Thoughtless actions.
Impossible consequences.

Three syllables lie.
Three words die.
Intense emotions screw up her life.

Wow this is a very good poem you got here. I think it got emotion and passion all into it. Keep Up the good work. I would like to read m ore of your stuff sometime. PM me if you have questions or comments.

Thanks SimonCowellLuver

Wow, this really tugs at my heart. Good job.

I liked your poem.
It had a nice ring to it but i thought that it was a bit gruesome but I could handle it.
i didn't think that it had a good ending though...
maybe you should change it to make more sense? I just thought that it was abit weird to end it with what you said:

Three syllables lie.
Three words die.
Intense emotions screw up her life.

I don't think that you should end it with out telling us what those syllables where you know?
It just doesn't feel right to me, but that's just me.shanan-cat!

Quite a good piece of writing you have here, sad though. Good emotion, images, and rhythm. Are the three words and syllables 'I love you'? or am I completely off?
Anyways, I couldn't find much wrong, great job!

stars- yeah, you're completely right

shanan- that is why I didn't say what it was. I just wanted to see if anyone could figure it out.

Thanks for your comments guys

Crying Rain wrote:Cold tears fall,
Staining her shirt.
Screams escape.

She can't yell loud enough.

A swollen heart.
Pain ripping at her chest.
Ready to die.

Nails dig deep.
Piercing the skin.
Letting blood flow.

The nightmares escape their cages.

Blinded by lust.
Thoughtless actions.
Impossible consequences.

Three syllables lie.
Three words die.
Intense emotions screw up her life.

This is a very good but dark peom you got. I do have some confusion to

"Three syllables lie.
Three words die.
Intense emotions screw up her life."

means. PM me the meaning of that and I'll give it a better review.

[Edit]. This poem is really good. A little dark, but an excellent poem.


Keep up the great work, Crying Rain.

-Rickage