Bluebeard

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Okay, everybody. This is my first attempt at scriptwriting. Moreover, it's my first attempt at screenplay. Inspired by Cal's new contest, structured in reference to Brad's recently posted screenplay, and based off of the fairytale Bluebeard, I present to you a fragment of my first script. It's probably terrible and I should probably stick to writing prose, but I'm letting you guys take a bite out of it none the less.

And those of you who have any sort of experience in screenplay structure, please point out my technical problems

~~~~

FADE IN:

INT. SMALL, EMPTY ROOM

Establishing shot: medium on BLUEBEARD opening an steel door – edges pockmarked with rivets and bolts – and stepping inside carefully. He closes the door silently and leans back on it, looking passed the camera at something inside the room. His face is chiseled and elegant looking with American Indian quality cheekbones and a dark beard that has a deep and barely detectable shade of blue in the right light.

CUT TO:

A long shot from above, looking down on a woman sitting in a chair at the far end of the room. The woman's hands are tied with lengths of duct tape behind her back and her feet are tied to the legs of the chair. Slumped forward slightly – apparently unconscious – she is partially illuminated by a single light bulb dangling from the ceiling. BLUEBEARD walks into view, DRAGS a chair from a table in the corner across the floor, places it backwards in front of the woman, and straddles it.

CUT TO:

A close up shot of BLUEBEARD's hands unscrewing the cap off of a small vial of clear liquid. He begins to HUM a tune – any tune at all – reaches towards the woman, and tears a paper bag from her head. In the half-light, the woman's hair pours from the bag like liquid silk, falling in front of her face which is masked partially by shadows. The HUMMING continues as BLUEBEARD takes a hand-full of the woman's hair, jerks her head up – revealing the face of the unconscious woman – and passes the vial of liquid in front of her nose two or three times.

Immediately, her head jerks back and her eyelids are ripped open, as if by invisible hands. Gasping, choking, eyes darting around in their sockets, she focuses on BLUEBEARD and groans, unable to speak.

CUT TO:

A medium shot of BLUEBEARD's face. He smiles and reaches his hand towards her (camera pans with the hand) and strokes her face gently, lovingly, humming. The woman rolls her head back in terror and continues to groan and choke.

BLUEBEARD
Sleep well?

The woman swallows, trembling, and opens her mouth to speak. Nothing comes out.

BLUEBEARD (CONT'D)
It's a beautiful day, Eva. The clouds are gone. Helluva sky. Looks kind of like someone decided to dip the world in a gallon of Danube blue.

EVA is breathing heavily, but the look of terror and fear has been transformed into one of disgust and hatred.

BLUEBEARD (CONT'D)
Something wrong, darling?

EVA
(in a hoarse, grating voice)
What the hell is going on here?

BLUEBEARD's face remains cheerful and calm, little crowfeet accenting his eyes.

BLUE
Nothing, hon.

EVA
(voice rising, chest heaving)
What have you done to me?

BLUE
Taken you somewhere private.

He strokes her cheek again with his fingers.

EVA
(furious, struggling, hissing)
Get away from me, you bastard! Is this your idea of a joke? Untie me and get the hell away!

BLUEBEARD looks at EVA long and hard, his eyes drifting down from her face to her chest – lingering – and then at his hands, crossed in front of him over the chair.

BLUE
(quietly)
What we've got here is a failure to communicate.

EVA
(with a strangled, harsh laugh)
Well, let me communicate to you that I want the police, I want a divorce lawyer, and I want them now.

BLUE
No.

EVA
Then I'm going to sue your a –

Standing rapidly, knocking his chair over, BLUEBEARD, slaps EVA across the face, his features contorted and twisted obliquely.

BLUE (screaming)
If you know what's good for you, godssakes, shut up! You're not getting out of here. You're not getting the cops and you're sure as hell not getting a lawyer! We're going to sit here and have a conversation. A nice long intellectual one. Right? You agree with me?

Silence. BLUEBEARD grabs EVA's chin and pulls her face towards his. Tears stream down her face – the entire left side a pulsating red. Her mascara bleeds.

BLUE (CONT'D)
Right?

EVA
(croaking)
Right.

BLUEBEARD lets go of EVA, crosses the room, and rests his elbow on the wall.

BLUE
(whispering, maybe to himself)
I'm going to kill you.

(Cliffhangar, no?)
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado




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Points 4832
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He closes the door silently and leans back on it, looking [s]passed[/s] past the camera at something inside the room.


Very nice, you have a lovely image in your mind of what this looks like and I appreciate it greatly. Only problem I have with the description is the lack of color here, It would be great if you could give this a nice hue of come sort, I imagine a deep blue...

I like the dialogue, especially Cal's line "What we have here is a failure to communicate." However, Bluebeard's meltdown seems a bit abrupt, it can be sudden but something has to drive him over the edge, and it's gotta be clear. We need to know that Eva has touched a nerve.

Also, it's short. But definitely promising! Great first script!
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic ties on the end of shoelaces are called aglets




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Points 890
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I can tell by all of the non-dialogue text in the script that you are a talented prose writer. I respect the expanding of borders! I like it, but I also know nothing about writing scripts so I don't have any constructive advice.

About Eva, I am a little torn on how to picture her. Part of the script, I see a fiesty bitch who is not afraid of him, kicking and tearing at her ropes and spitting in his face, and then the other part I feel more of a helpless Damsel in Distress vibe. Maybe thats the point, I'm not sure, but the image I recieved was a little quavering!

Great job overall, I enjoyed it.



One fish, two fish, red fish, aardvark.
— alliyah