Untitled

Light.
It fell on a quivering, sensitive mouth.
Lips.
Lips were mouthing words,
Words I did not want to hear.
Pain.
Absorbing, beautiful pain.
Pain eased itself through every pore in my body.
It tore at muscles, lungs, heart.
It heated my senses until they burned like fire.
I could see nothing but that round, gorgeous mouth talking,
Saying those words I wanted to hear least.
I was falling.
Falling into an abyss of desperation and contempt.
Darkness fell.
The light was gone.

Pain eased itself through every pore in my body

Eased isn't working for me... It's too gentle a word, it doesn't fit with the rest of the images.

A tad repetative, but c'est la vie.

I like the ambiguity. This could be about a girlfriend, or lover, but you don't really know for certain, so it could be a doctor or mother or teacher or friend... just someone with bad news.

i agree with the eased thing, it just doesn't sound quite right.

your poem could represent how any person can feel at any time (some are more likely then others, of course!), and i like that. all humans feel that way at some time, a sense of despiar, and kudos to you for being able to convey that into words!

Thanks for the suggestion, you two. Reading it over again carefully, i can see what you mean.

REVISED:

Light.
It fell on a quivering, sensitive mouth.
Lips.
Lips were mouthing words,
Words I did not want to hear.
Pain.
Absorbing, beautiful pain.
Pain knifed through every pore in my body.
It tore at muscles, lungs, heart.
It heated my senses until they burned like fire.
I could see nothing but that round, gorgeous mouth talking,
Saying those words I wanted to hear least.
I was falling.
Falling into an abyss of desperation and contempt.
Darkness fell.
The light was gone.

oooh, I was just thinking "shot" would work better, but "knifed" is great! Bravo!

This was very interesting. I liked the kind of ryhthm to it.