Just a love song

K, this is the first time that I'm gonna post here., so don't be very critical (Yep, I know everyone around here are so talented, So what?).
I wrote this before 5 min ago and it means very much to me but that's only cause I'm really dissapointed in love...

Walls are falling down,
Like thunder in the night.
They're telling me the truth.
They're telling me the lies.

About who I am,
Who I was,
And what I have chose...

Walls are falling down,
Like thunder deep inside.
Hope is thorn apart,
Like wrist in hug of knife.

Cold wind in my dreams,
And carpet full of tears.
Tears are full of fears.
Tell me what is real?

About who I am,
Who I was,
And what I have chose...

Lonely days are here,
They don't want to go.
Choking round my neck
I'll tell you what I love...

About who you are,
Who you were,
And what I have... lost...

I loved it!! your talented at writing things like this! I LOVED it!
you should keep writing this kind of stuff!
But one thing:

About who I am,
Who I was,
And what I have chose...

I would change it to:

About who I am,
Who I Was
And what i have to choose.

Just a sugestion.
Keep writing!

This was good - especially if you wrote it five minutes before posting.

Some of the words were very generic, even for a song. I liked the rhythm although I'm still unsure of what genre of music it would fall into.

It's a little bit short at the moment, another verse or two wouldn't go amiss.

And what I have chose...

Chosen? Or perhaps take on previous suggestions.

Hope is thorn apart,

*torn, not thorn.


Alainna
xx

it was good... it's nice

I really thought this was good song. THe title gave me a much different empression of what it was, though. In the third line of the third verse, do you mean hope is THROWN apart instead of THORN apart? Couldn't quite figure that out. The subjet, although common, I thought you presented it in a unique way. Great Lyrics.

I Liked it, it was very good. I am envious of everyone that posts here, I can not write songs. Not at all. But you did very good. It fits the feelings of a person fed up with love. As you said.
I know that felling, well not fed up with love, being really close to your writing. I think it is good to get your writing here before you start to revise it, then start to hate it. . But, that was really good, I'd like to hear it. (I will scour the radio one day for it won't I? Won't I? )

Loved it! Don't stop writing songs!