YWS to the RESCUE!

*Content deleted*

HAHAHAHAH! Hilarious! I loved it.


The only stanza I abhorred was

give a yell and wave about
my gorgeous work of art
with YOU to thank! I love you guys with
all - my - heart!

The rest was astounding. Your rhythm was good, and I could just sing the whole thing. It should be in lyrics, maybe?

Nice. I actually liked the rhythm, it was like hearing a voice speak the poem, so two thumbs up for that.
I did think it went on a big too long, it could definitely be condensed.
Stanzas like

I give a yell and wave about
my gorgeous work of art
with YOU to thank! I love you guys with
all - my - heart!

seemed a bit redundant.
The majority of the rhyme was fine, but I have to say that in some parts it did seem to be a little bit forced.

I slap a sentence down at last,
declare it good enough,
then utter, from my very soul, a
great - big - huff!

That just felt really awkward. Anyway overall, not bad.

Yay! I normally hate giving useless crits, but I really enjoyed this a lot and couldn't really find anything wrong with it (but then, I'm not a poet). I just sat there sort of singing it.

Heyhey, a funny and orginal poem, a complete gem!

It's actually quite a feat to write a good poem about the act of writing, so well done you. I especially loved this stansa:

I break my pencil quite in half,
assume a ghastly grin,
and toddle off, while shrilly shouting,
"I - SHALL - WIN!!"

*Claps*

Genious!

Eimearxx

A very entertaining little poem and well, I can't resist giving you a quick critique...

I sit and stare. I hem and haw.
I rub my aching head.
The moment that I write it down, the
rhyme - falls - dead! [You have an interesting rhythm. Eight syllables, then six so it feels like you're using the common metre at first but then a change to nine and three unless you count the paused in which case it's nine and five... It does work though and it's rather unique. For this stanza I'd suggest maybe having a comma rather than a full-stop both in the middle and at the end of the first line.]

I contemplate an adjective
to fit the missing line. [I'm not sure that fit is the best word. Perhaps fill? Or start or stem?]
Until I find the one, of course, I'll [I think this line could be better. Perhaps 'Until the word I need appears, I'll' would work better?]
sit - and - whine! [Whine seems a little weak and immature but there isn't really anything you can change it to because 'pine' is still week and nothing else that rhymes fits...sorry, just thinking aloud. Maybe take another look at the whole stanza? There again, it could just be me that's irritated by the line...]

The words are coming slowly and
the pressure seems to climb.
But dang it, I will NOT be beaten
by - this - rhyme! [I like this stanza. I'd suggest not putting 'NOT' in full capitals though.]

I slap a sentence down at last,
declare it good enough,
then utter, from my very soul, a
great - big - huff! [I'm not sure about this. Maybe -

I slap a sentence down at last,
decide it's worth a try.
But from my writer's soul bursts forth, a
great - big - sigh!

I find my eye has got a twitch! [Dash rather than exclamation mark here?]
I can't complete my phrase! [Try to limit the exclamation marks. They're more effective when used scarcely.]
And at the rate I'm writing now, it
might - take - days!

I break my pencil quite in half,
assume a ghastly grin,
and toddle off, while shrilly shouting,
"I - SHALL - WIN!!"

I type my name in, 'Goldenheart',
and press the enter key.
I'm sure that there are folks in here who
might - help - me. [To say that you're sure, using 'might' makes it a bit weak so maybe 'will - help - me!' would be better?]

I rant a little, rave a lot,
and plead for some advice.
I get three dozen answers, and they're
all - so - nice!

I thank them all, and tackle my
infuriating rhyme.
I've got the guys behind me. I will
WIN - this - time!

I give a yell and wave about
my gorgeous work of art
with YOU to thank! I love you guys with
all - my - heart!

(It's not a perfect poem, sure.
I know this to be true.
But if it's REALLY awful, I can
just - blame - YOU!)

Hehe. An amusing ending and generally it's a fun little poem and one of the more unique ways of writing a poem about writing. I think a few of your lines could be tweaked and the full caps and some of the grammar is quite annoying but then that's down to personal opinion. Good work,

Heather xx

Nice work. I liked the rhythm to this. It was just so steady and determined. Great, great work. The rhyming was good too. It really didn't feel forced like rhyming can occasionally. Very nice work.

Go YWS! You captured my emotions exactly in regards to this site.

I feel like this is an utterly useless review, but I really can't find anything worth nitpicking about. You have a wonderful poem here. Congratulations...

*confetti*

~GryphonFledgling

Major issues.

Goldenheart wrote:The rhythm is kind of strange, but I'm hoping you still like it!


I sit and stare. I hem and haw.
I rub my aching head.
The moment that I write it down, the
rhyme - falls - dead!

I contemplate an adjective
to fit the missing line.
Until I find the one, of course, I'll
sit - and - whine!

The words are coming slowly and
the pressure seems to climb.
But dang it, I will NOT be beaten
by - this - rhyme!

I slap a sentence down at last,
declare it good enough,
then utter, from my very soul, a
great - big - huff!

I find my eye has got a twitch!
I can't complete my phrase!
And at the rate I'm writing now, it
might - take - days!

I break my pencil quite in half,
assume a ghastly grin,
and toddle off, while shrilly shouting,
"I - SHALL - WIN!!"

I type my name in, 'Goldenheart',
and press the enter key.
I'm sure that there are folks in here who
might - help - me.

I rant a little, rave a lot,
and plead for some advice.
I get three dozen answers, and they're
all - so - nice!

I thank them all, and tackle my
infuriating rhyme.
I've got the guys behind me. I will
WIN - this - time!

I give a yell and wave about
my gorgeous work of art
with YOU to thank! I love you guys with
all - my - heart!

(It's not a perfect poem, sure.
I know this to be true.
But if it's REALLY awful, I can
just - blame - YOU!)

XD hahaha nice one! This is funny. Keep up the good work!

-Rick