Nails and Knives

This is told by a cat.



I used to dance like a gypsy queen--
raven hair and eyes of green.
The harder I danced, the brighter the sun.
That was before the colors ran away.

Guy in the sky, if you even care,
send an angel to your kids down here.
Don't know what to believe;
guess I've been deceived.
If you're not gonna come, than I'm gonna leave.

CHORUS:
Nails and knives,
bet your lives,
bet I've got an electric spine.
Just one move
and you fall into
fall into the green,
into the green.

Gray in my hair--callous-crusted feet,
wearing an air of despair and defeat.
I paged your office but you weren't at home.
You leave us alone; you leave us alone.

CHORUS

Did you burn yourself doing dishes when
you were thinking about me?
Decide I wasn't worth your time
and carry on without me?

I won't sleep in a chandelier
while you're living on Cloud Nine.
I've got more power in my paw
than the hand of the divine.

CHORUS

You think I don't dream
but I'm not what I seem.
I'm not a washed up dancer;
I'm just falling into the green

Holy moley, I think I'm in love...with a set of song lyrics... O_o I find the way you situated the words in each sentence absolutely unique, dazzling, and FUN. I honestly felt like I was surfing on green sea as I read this, so you've got the entertainment factor down quite well.

Just some grammatical fixes:

If you're not gonna come, than I'm gonna leave.

It should be "then."

I paged your office but you weren't at home.

There should be a comma after "office" since you have two independent clauses.

Nevertheless, kudos to you for the beautifully energetic chorus, especially the first one.

Good job, that song read just like poetry. Unless it was rap, because rap is not poetry, it is crap. Anyways, (sorry for getting off topic there), Bliss is right, there are some grammar errors, but many songs do not, so unless it was intentional Bliss is right. There were a few lines, that seemed like they were going to rhyme and then don't but other than those, that was really good.



"2, 4, 6, and 8 may be, but what ever will we do with 3." -Random rhyming quote made by my.

Muchas gracias! Wow, I wasn't expecting reviews like that. This was a spontaneous post, but nonetheless, thank you, thank you!

These lyrics aren't bad, but I have to admit that I was less than impressed with the rhyming patterns and rhythm. Not that they're bad, per se--they're just rather simplistic. Surely you can do better?