Home Games All LiteraryClubs Forums Green Room Poetry Prose Roleplays

You know you're a Harry Potter Nut When...

Caligula's Launderette · 2005-07-21T09:34:06Z

I started this awhile back, at first it was me surfing on the internet and thinking...'hmmm that would be fun'. Then it was something I brought to school when I was half done and made my friends laugh very hard...the it spawned a much doomed fanfic...I dunno I think I have an obsession...well I know I do and it's about as healthy as my obsession with Colin Farrell, the beautiful man he is....okay that was off topic but hey what do you except at 2:31 in the morning from a ADD affliced chick? So I thought I'd send my brand of humor your way in honor of the 6th Harry Potter book coming out. cheers and don't hurt yourself it's bad for your health CL I still think Snape needs a hug... 150 Ways to Annoy Our Favorite Potions Masta! 1. Hug him. Say you were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it. 2. Owl him long and detailed accounts of your summer holidays. 3. Bake him a cake! 4. Clap noisily when he finishes telling someone off. 5. Anytime you catch his eye, wink at him. 6. Ask for his autograph. 7. Call him Severus. 8. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale? 9. Sigh loudly whenever he walks away from you. 10. Sneak up behind him and shout ‘Your robes are on fire!’ 11. Grin insanely throughout each and every potions class. 12. Look terrified and leave the hall anytime he picks up his spoon at mealtimes. 13. Nickname your quill ‘Snapie’ and talk to it during class. 14. Ask him if he’s ‘sure about that, sir?’ whenever he states a fact in class. 15. Should he ever sarcastically inquire if you would like a dentention, hold up a hand and say ‘I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!’ 16. Accidentally call him ‘Buzz’ every now and again, for no good reason. 17. Turn in all your essays on perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love-hearts. 18. Sneak up behind him. Go ‘Boo!’ and giggle and then walk away mumbling that you ‘got him good’ 19. Shout out the right answers in class, as if you have Terrets. 20. Potion: Turn hair pink and put it in his food. 21. Make exlax brownies. 22. Ask, ‘Can I have dentention?’ just for the hell of it. 23. Give him a singing pik teddy-bear for Valentines. 24. After tasting his potion drop dead. 25. Give him a cute fuzzy thing. 26. Paint his office bright orange with green trim, and purple and orange carpet, and tell him to redecorate. 27. redecorate it. 28. Sir, I was wondering (play with hair) if you could help me? 29. Leave him random notes around school and his hideaway signed your secret admirer. 30. send Jehovah’s witnesses to his door. 31. Jump out of your seat and run yelling “They’re coming!” Grab a random student by their robes, “They’re coming!” 32. Everytime he asks what do you see, say, ‘I see dumb people’. 33. Throw tiny pieces of paper at his back during lectures. 34. Write messages on eyelids. 35. Reveal revealing clothing in class. 36. Write: I love Sevy all over the school. 37. Owl him a letter full of exploding heart shaped confetti. 38. Throw exploding cards into his fire while he’s trying to rest. 39. Steal his laundry. 40. Buy him boxers that say; ‘monkeys come in the night and steal my underwear’ or ‘No, no, no, yes, yes, yes.’ 41. When he asks you to leave, reply ‘No you leave...I like it where I am at the moment I’m comfortable.’ 42. Randomly start laughing uncontrollable in the middle of class. 43. Randomly change styles, never wear the uniform. 44. Steal his quill. 45. Replace his quill with a pink feather. 46. Change his shirt to say “I love pink fuzzy things.” 47. Blow up an unexpected strangers cauldron. 48. Make the entire Slytherin table disapeer into the floor at Halloween including the benches and the food. 49. Inform him that he exists only in your imagination. “If I didn’t believe in you, you wouldn’t be here...because you only exist in my imagination!” 50. Sing really annoying (yet fun) songs in class...like the “Doom” song for instance from Invader ZIM or “Henry the 8th I am” (the one from Ghost). 51. Reply to everything he says with, “That’s what THEY want you to think” or “That’s what YOU think.” 52. Be extremely loud, talkative, and obnoxious in class, but strive for good grades at the same time. 53. Use a pencil that squeaks when you write with it. 54. Get up in class, following a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with Lysol. 55. Talk in that friendly drawling voice that Mr. Rogers and guidance counselors always speak in. 56. Walk up to some random student or even Snape himself, “I hate you, and I live in your basement!” 57. Ask him questions, like ‘what’s your favorite color?’, and ‘did you have problems growing up?’, then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.” 58. Evily stare at him, continuously through the day. 59. Go up to him and ask, “Do your mother drop you as a child?” 60. Refer to him as Mr. Pepe. 61. When somebody sneezes, scream, “You’re welcome!” 62. When he states a newfound thing that nobody’s heard of in the class as right, reply “No Shit, Sherlock.” 63. Tell him, “One day I will rule the world and every time you fail my test, I will get you back for it one day. You’ll be sorry soon”, in a evil voice and look at him straight in the eye every day during class (for a while). 64. Laugh or giggle continuously for no reason whatsoever and don’t stop until he goes insane and if he tells you to stop, stop, look at him like a deer in headlights and go right back to laughing. 65. Start humming one line of a song that you know he hates, over and over again until it gets stuck in his head. 66. Imitate random people and their voices. 67. Graduating gift: turn all the teachers except for Snape into 11 yr old munchkins using Polyjuice potion. 68. Whiel his back is turned, imitate what he says as if you were a silent movie. 69. Ditto people (Repeat certain word they say) 70. Do the opposite of what he tells you. 71. Start talking to him about something, but don’t be specific. Example- “Hey do you like it?” When he ask what “it” is, say “That, do you like that?” 72. Throw your quill at random kids in class whenever you get the chance. 73. Change all the clocks in his room to the time you go to lunch, when he leaves for a long period of time, run out the door cheering when he enters. 74.. When he asks you to do something, say “Yes Mama.” 75. When he yells at the class for being loud, say quietly, “God, I’m just trying to make a living.” 76. Talk to him like he’s five. Wait he is! 77. Act like you fell asleep and start mumbling these words: “Must kill Snapie, KILL KILL KILL, Must kill Snapie, DIE DIE DIE.” 78. Start imitating the Swartz people from Spaceballs “High ho, high ho...” and so on, everytime you enter in his presense. 79. Say things in Spanish that don’t really apply to anything. Example: No hablar en la basura, por favor. -- Translation: No talking in the trash can, please. -- or Prof. Snape es tan listo que chuga. --Translation: Prof. Snape is as smart as a lettuce. 80. Blow bubbles in his cauldron while he’s not looking. 81. Steal his keys. 82. Lock him out of his room, from the inside, mess up his ingrediants so he can see through the window. 83. When he drinks water...or for that matter...anything, ask him if it’s “spiked” 84. Bring in several one liter bottles of pop. Shake them up, then throw them as hard as you can against the wall, preferably a wall near him and away from you. DON’T USE Dr. Pepper. 85. Sit and look innocent. 86. When he bothers you to a point of explosion on a double potions day, say, “Okay, that’s it. I’m going to make a voodoo doll out of you!” Say this over and over again, until he stops his lecture. 87. Take the cheapest item he has in his room and hold it for ransom. Be sure to send notes threatening to destroy the item. 88. For his birthday, make a pinata that looks like him. Hang it by it’s neck from the ceiling, and hit it as hard as you can. Make sure he sees it all, well from a safe distance that is. 89. Drop you last name and change your first name to “Bob”, “Bubba”, “Buddha”, or “Jesus”. 90. Draw embarrasing pictures of him, then pass it around class, when it comes back use them to make paper airplanes for ammunition during class. 91. Ask him questions that don’t apply to anything. (Example: How many ounces of green cheese does it take to make a cow smile?”) 92. Finish all your sentances with the words “In accordance with prophesy”, as if you were Prof. Trewlaney. 93. Give a play-by-play account of his every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. 94. Holler random numbers while he’s giving out measurements 95. Whenever you get a chance, scream, “No, you’re wrong!” 96. Repeat everything he says as a question. 97. When he mummbles, something along the lines of “I can’t wait till she leaves,” while looking at the calender, say in a sweet voice, as if agknowloging his problem, “Warning: Dates in calendar are father than they appear.” 98. Go into class wearing a very revealing short red dress (umm how about something from VS) and look to the ceiling before you sit down, “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.” 99. Ask him questions like: Why is abbreviation such a long word? and when he answers repeat #95. 100. Transfigure his cloak into a pink fluffy bath robe. 101. Slurp and make loud noises while drinking soda in his class. 102. In the middle of random *quiet time*, while he’s grading papers magic the chair out from under him. 103. Turn this in when he asks you to turn in an assignment, then run for you life screaming “The Commie’s are coming!” 104. Wear a low cut shirt to class reading “In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.” 105. When he asks you to do something say, “Yes Masta.” 106. When he makes you mad say, “Don’t talk to me like that, young man!” 107. Once again the madness of pie compels you, “Don’t talk to me like that, young lady!” 108. Revamp a cd plauyer so it works, turn the volume up all the way, and rock out in class. 109. Put speakers in his room, with an invisibilty spell on them, or rather Harry’s cloak, “this is god speaking...” 110. Act like the Chuckie doll. 111. Chew and pop gum really loudly. 112. Make this list. 113. Make sure he sees it. 114. Smile...smile too much...especially when he’s angry with you. 115. Laugh at everything he says. 116. When he asks what the answer is yell out ‘42!’ 117. Have an opposite day every day. 118. Suddenly be really polite and quiet. Make him think you’re planning something. 119. Say to him right before you deside to ignore him, for who knows how long, “Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” 120. Ignore him entirely. 121. Give him a sleeping potion. 122. Paint him green with silver hands, hair, and bright pink fingernails and toenails. 123. Eat strawberries. 124. While eating strawberries wear a t-shirt saying “Seductress” or “Temptress” in bright pink lettering with sparkles. 125. Variation on #118 -- say “Yes, ma’am” and “No, ma’am” 126. Tell him “It’s for your own good,” as you lock him in his office. 127. Screa “Duck!” in the middle of a sentance of his. “Look out” would also work. 128. Shave his lumpy little head. 129. When he tries to talk, say, “Shh! I’m busy alphabetizing my brain cells!” 130. Bring tape recorder to class and act like a naturalist. “Subject is banging his head against the wall.” Wear safari clothes for this. 131. Ask “Why?” when he presents a fact or asks you to do something. 132. Walk by him in the hall. Trip. Acuse him publically and loudly of tripping you. 133. Hide his shoe. Just one shoe. 134. Ask him if he’s married yet, when he says no, reply, “So thats why?” 135. Write bad love poetry. Make it look like it’s his. 136. Write him bad love poetry. On the walls of the school. 137. Generally act like you’re in love with him. 138. Make him think you poisoned him with something slow and painful. 139. Poison him with something slow and painful (but not deadly) 140. Click a pen maliciously. 141. Enlist the help of the whole school to ignore him collectively for a day. 142. After #141, ask him, “Where were you yesterday?” Insist he wasn’t there. 143. Give him his very own pet hyena. 144. Say “Happy Birthday” or “Happy Halloween” or “Merry Christmas” at random moments or on wrong holidays. Or during a class that is particulary loud, say “I smell chaos!” 145. Insert a random word into your sentances. Example: “Good cheese morning, Professor.” 146. Die interestingly for no reason, repeatedly, all through double potions. Splatter fake blood all over the walls. 147. Send him a birthday card. On the wrong day. 148. Apologize tearfully for driving him up the wall at the end of the year. Much crying and sobing, 149. Cling to his leg. Cry, “I need you!” Don’t let go. 150. Bring and eat in class, a can of whipcream. PS: there's a second part if I can find it I will post it

Tríona

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 39

Sat Oct 08, 2005 3:59 pm

Tríona says... · Sat Oct 08, 2005 3:59 pm

He he he ! Really funny - bizare - but funny!

Bright is the ring of words
When the right man rings them,
Fair the fall of songs
When the singer sings them.
Still they are carolled and said -
On wings they are carried-
After the singer is dead
And the maker buried.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Quote

zelithon

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 241

Tue Oct 11, 2005 1:06 am

zelithon says... · Tue Oct 11, 2005 1:06 am

I loved it! I am totally stealing them for my story.
Its a spoof on Harray Potta it will be about a girl who goes to Hogwarts a year after Ginny and was effected by Voldamort similarly to Harray only nobody knows it. She will be in ravenclaw or slytherin and will be insanely amusingly evil.

Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess

Deadpanners are backtalkers!

badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation

Quote

Sumi H. Inkblot

Gender

Points 5890

Reviews 280

Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:39 pm

Sumi H. Inkblot says... · Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:39 pm

:*stares*:

:*faints*:

:*dies*:

:*laughs all through eternity*:

:*takes the list into the Netherworld and sets up a connection with Peeves to do all this*:

ohmeohmy

Quote

madam-butterfly

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 7

Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:24 pm

madam-butterfly says... · Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:24 pm

153. when ever he asks a question raise your hand hand and reply "i have nothing to say" very loudly!

lol, these were freaking hilarious! but the truth of is : it's all fun and games until snape slaps you!

lol!

no one important

Quote