Waiting

Everyday
I break
More and more.

My eyes are empty
yet full of love.
My ears want to bleed
because they can't hear you.
My lips are yearning
to kiss your own.
My mind is clouded,
but focused on you.
My heart is aching,
but only for you.

It's in pain.
I'm in pain.

My arms are sore,
for they reach for you.
My hands are shaking,
needing to hold yours.
My legs threaten to give way.
They are waiting.

I am waiting
for you.

Hmmm... This is really good. Just by reading it, I can feel the emotion and sadness in it. Keep it up Crying Rain!

-Rickage

Hi Crying Rain--

Well, there is nothing actually...[i]wrong[/] with this, per se. But the issue herein lies in the fact that it's boring and tired.

Mostly, the fault is that it's too common a subject. That doesn't have to be a bad thing, but it is a hard thing to overcome. You have to produce something so unique, so individual that it's going to wow the audience. That's true for every piece of literature, but even more so for things that are common (like love poems).

It is really very difficult to pull off, but I wish to best of luck to you!

i really enjoyed this poem, though it's common.
since you can't help writing what you feel, try to bring it out in a way that no one has ever done before while still making the same point.

it's really good, keep writing!

This Is a really good poem, the emotion in it kept me reading!!
Alot of people have felt this way at one or more points in their lives.
Although this poem could have added a little bit more Individuality, it is still in tact and holds enough detail/talent to keep readers interested in the writers emotion.

Nice work!!

Dofs

Hi,
I really liked your poem. It was really sweet. I can relate to this poem, which I like because there are not many out there that you can relate too.

My favorite stanza was:

My arms are sore,
for they reach for you.
My hands are shaking,
needing to hold yours.
My legs threaten to give way.
They are waiting.

I am waiting
for you.

I think when you say this line:

I am waiting-
for you

So it's kind of like a pause, It was how I said it in my head and it sounds nice.

-lg*