Unodyssey

.

Countless scribes have told the stories
of men who struggled to return home,
but few have remembered those of us
who are unable to leave.

Traps are laid at every step,
chores and family and no gas money
hold me at the door. And just when
I think I’m free
I think of what lies out there.

Street after street, senseless and deformed,
more potholes than cars and lines too long for
coffee. - .. huh?

Why would you leave anyway,
if you could help it?
Would you journey to work to get the cash
just to pay for your escapades?
Or go to school to learn every detail
that you’ll forget anyway? - Huh. You gotta point there.

The erratic knights battle down their
barbaric interstate, roadkill bloodies your tires,
and ready your explanation:
“Officer, my speedometer is broken!”
Half the way is riddled
with cone after cone after cone,
so the guy in the orange jacket says:
“Turn down ten blocks away.” .. I do not follow.

Well, I’ve thought about it,
and I think Homer can keep his boy.
I’ll stay home on my unodyssey.

.. HUH? Is this like a modern day.. no.. I don't even know. SO confusing. I'm sorry - I want to get it, I really do. It sounds likes it would be a great poem
IF I UNDERSTOOD IT.
Maybe its just me. I'm not too bright You seem like a great writer - KEEP WRITING!

It's not that complicated, really. I think you're just putting too much thought into it.

this is actually pretty nice. i like the spoken word feel of it. reminds me of a post-core musician/lyricist i listen to. your rhythm changes are cool too. it's free and easy but the meaning isn't...if i understood it right. feels heavy but reads light...if that makes sense. nice piece.

Hello, my love! I remember you telling me about this; I thought I'd take a look myself.

Countless scribes have told the stories
of men who struggled to return home,
but few have remembered those of us
who are unable to leave.

A strong (yet beautifully subtle) beginning. ^_^

Traps are laid at every step,
chores and family and no gas money
hold me at the door. And just when
I think I’m free
I think of what lies out there.

I'd suggest a few minor punctuation changes in this semester, but in terms of the lines themselves, a fantastic stanza--it really shows the vacillation between the mundane concerns of homelife and the terror of leaving the home for "what lies out there." Now, those suggestions:

Traps are laid at every step:
chores and family and no gas moeny
hold me at the door. And just when
I think I'm free,
I think of what lies out there.

As you see, barely worth the typing they required, but knowing what a thorough writer you are, I thought I'd add them just in case.

Street after street, senseless and deformed,
more potholes than cars and lines too long for
coffee.

Mm. I'm not sure how I feel about 'coffee' being its own line. On one hand, the unbalanced feel makes me uneasy, but on the other the connotations of the word--caffeine, and under that frenetic (but often constrained) energy--are really interesting in the context.

Why would you leave anyway,
if you could help it?
Would you journey to work to get the cash
just to pay for your escapades?
Or go to school to learn every detail
that you’ll forget anyway?

This stanza is my least favorite--or rather, I think it's the one with the most unnecessary padding. I think you could just tack those first two lines to the end of the previous stanza; it would only enhance the light sense of irony, and the last four lines of this stanza don't add much that isn't already there, between the lines.

The erratic knights battle down their
barbaric interstate, roadkill bloodies your tires,
and ready your explanation:
“Officer, my speedometer is broken!”
Half the way is riddled
with cone after cone after cone,
so the guy in the orange jacket says:
“Turn down ten blocks away.”

Anyone who's ever driven anywhere in New York State will get this stanza, lol. I love the way it's expressed too--all except that one word, 'guy.' It's so much more colloquial than most of your word choices!

Well, I’ve thought about it,
and I think Homer can keep his boy.
I’ll stay home on my unodyssey.

I like this ending--and don't think I didn't notice the nod to your beloved Old English in that last word. ^~ Aside from my few minor suggestions, I loved it! Bravo. ^^