Sun

Sun you are so shinny.
You remind me of a new clean dime,
in the middle of the night.
I wish i were just like you,
yeah i do.

This is cute, although a little too simple. However, it is so short and simple that I think you could turn it into a haiku if you wanted. In case you don't know, a haiku is a poem that is three lines long, and the first and third lines have five syllables, and the second line has seven syllables. It doesn't have to rhyme. Plus I think the main problem I have with this poem is that the last line is somewhat redundant - it adds nothing to the poem, and is just unnecessary. Also, you could talk about the sun as if it were an actual person, and then say how you wish you had those qualities yourself - like shiny, or new, as you say. This has a lot of potential, despite its length and simplicity.

This is...cute...in a "I'm bored" kind of way. It's really rather pointlessl there is no statement made here. But, I suppose I'll critique it as much as I can anyway...

Sun you are so shinny.

"Shinny" would be "like a shin"...you know, that thing between your knee and your ankle? There is a spellcheck so these things are easily fixed.

You remind me of a new clean dime,
in the middle of the night.

How exactly is a new clean dime in the middle of the night? Weird analogy.

I wish i were just like you,
yeah i do.

"i" needs to be capitalized. Why do you wish you were like the sun? "yeah I do" needs to be ditched...it's pointless and distracting.

Goodluck!

I agree that this poem is cute in a "I'm bored" kind of way. I am only assuming here, but since you have already mentioned the sun as shiny, then your analogy of a clean new dime in the middle of the night, can only relate to the reflective glimmer coins give under the moon (which would other wise go unnoticed during the day, especially considering during the day the sun would be the source of light, so it would be ridiculous ot compare the sun to the source of one of its effects.) I must speak my mind here and say that the idea of turning this poem into a haiku is one idea, but it seems rather retarded as a suggestion for this person to turn their poem into a haiku on the premises that 1) the poem is short. 2) the haiku has specific definitions that this poem could easily be modified to fit. Your literature should be defined by the impact you have in the effects you create. Don't fit the effects to the defintion of pre-existing examples of literature.