The Cloudy Sky

What is a cloudy sky?

A soft blue with touches of white,

pictures on a never ending mural,

fluffly and bouncy always to be,

a cloud for you a cloud for me,

A cloudy sky is staring on into hevan.



not that great,but its a great way to pass my time. Eventually I'll get better at this (^..^)

Formatting. The bolded words are not necessary...phrases that are meant to be emphasized should stand alone.

Description versus message. The poem's main problem is that it's centered on description. That's all great, but you want to go deeper. Tell us something we don't know...we've all seen clouds before, but what can you say about them that's interesting or new or thought-provoking?
What is a cloudy sky? You could go really far with this, but you have to say something that hasn't been said before. What does a cloudy sky represent to this speaker personally? Did something important happen to him/her when it was cloudy outside? And we don't want the usual descriptions of clouds. Is there a way you could describe the sky that would make your reader say, "Wow, I never thought about it that way before. That's pretty cool."

-Colleen

Nicely done, but as Cade said, you could work on "Wow"ing us. ^_^ I'm pretty sure we all know what a cloud is, but in your own eyes, do you see more? Do you see beyond their physical attributes? If so, then show us. Paint a picture of what goes through your mind when you look at the clouds. Try to... think out of the box, is what I guess you could say. You've tossed out your fishing line with the right bait, but be sure that you're creative with your writing so that you can reel us in before we get away. ^_^

Hope this helps. Best wishes with your work!

~*Sydney*~

I'm not sure a description of a cloud constitutes poetry. A poem generally offers insight or thought into something. Perhaps the only line worthy of thought is the last one, with something about heaven, but on the whole "something to pass the time" generally isn't worth the reader's time. Unfortunately poetry is something that takes time. If you want get better at poetry, spend much more time working on your lines, meaning, subject matter, format and structure. There are plenty of tips spread across this site which would be brilliant for you to look at and I hope you do, because what you have here is not poetry. Good luck!

I like how i can visualize images in my head, very detailed and well writen,
And it was well organized in my oppinion. so good job! -Banana